anglesforbiddenlove

2004-11-04T00:05:00.000-08:00

-okay...currently resided to http://shadowinmyheart.blogspot.com/...coz i think dere is too mani sorrows in dis blog...i will still keep dis blog on...but no more post...so everyone...relin kme okay...thankx...ciao...-

2004-11-03T12:41:00.000-08:00

-okay...i m sayin dis once n for all...its not i dunt wan to b dere for u...but u hab exams for heaven's sake...u nid to study...if u wan to retain bcoz ob me...for all i care...go on...not say i did all these to avoid u...y would i?get a life okay...i didnt say to break...u found another girl fren for urself...i didnt say anything okay...so naw...stop botherin me...go get urself into something which u call carin okay...im not for u as u put it dat way...den fine...im not carin enuf...den go ahead...get urself another girl fren...which u had...behind my back...u arnt dat carin urself okay...so dunt tok about me...u put it lyk u r the angel n im the devil...lyk ur the onli carin person in the world...i tell u off rite here rite naw...u r nothing but a dirt bag...u ass hole...stop thinkin ur best...cream ob the crop...bcoz if u r the cream ob crop...no one is the bad one anymore...u r dirty...lan...shit...get it...i dunt nid another heart-breaker lyk u...everytym im faced wit another hope...i alwaes gib in...y m i lyk dat?y muz i end up lyk dat?everytym...n everytym...its juz one cut deeper den the other...forget it le ba...neber gonna lurbb again...i promise the world...im neber gona let myself fall in again...neber n dats final...hu cares about the angel's forbidden love?i rather b forbidden to love...thou the angels stife hard for love...end up wit a happy endin...i finally realise dat its juz a fairy tale...it wunt happen in real life de...so...i will juz stick to thinkin about the fairy tales dat happen in the angle's life...so i dunt wan any one rite naw...to wake me up...n make my dream pop...float away...so eh...dunt bother me...okay...since u think its all my fault...so b it okay...ur correct la...u r the angel la...im the devil okay...happy naw...its all settled...all my fault...so naw...get out ob my life...i dunt nid u anymore...in the first place...i neber thot i had u...-

2004-11-02T23:15:00.000-08:00

-okay...today...oso didnt feel good...fought wit alot ob ppl today...became very forgetful...kor kor say cumin back today...den i totally forgot about it...im such an ass hole...den he cum back no food to eat...sigh...im really sowie...sigh...i hate my self...im so sowie kor kor...den i oso ended fightin wit my lil bro...sigh...im sowie eh...didnt mean to...everyone...im truely sowie...im still not over wat happened yesterday...okay...so im here to apologise wat happened tym before...im juz not happy naw a days...juz dunt feel lyk me anymore...im sowie eh...so...i still nid tym to release all these tention in me...im sowie...not in the mood to rite anything eh...gibin u ppl the song ai ne...by s.h.e...hopefully u pass by n c it...coz i noe u lyk s.h.e.

爱呢

爱呢爱呢我们的(I'll remember) 爱呢
你怀里藏什么挤得抱不紧我在你胸口找温柔只找到一片沙漠
没有弧度的笑容没有温度的手慢慢倾斜的天空正迅速压垮着我

爱呢你的爱呢你呢我的你呢从前的那些快乐变了没了
难道你真舍得真舍不得心呢被弄痛了承诺呢被丢弃了我的爱呢你把它给谁了
你在回味什么嘴唇没空吻我想在听你说爱我只听到一阵沉默
是不是我迷了路走进别人的梦中原本熟悉的亲密变成陌生的问候

知道世界很善变没想到连你也变我好怀念你刚开始爱上我的那天-

2004-11-01T23:56:00.000-08:00

-okay...aint dat happy today...actually very angry n sad...i m so gonna kill myself...first ob all...i had tons ob hmwk by my bed side...n mum gonna brin me to get sec 2 stuff le...wen will she understand the meanin ob hoiliday...argh...im startin my holis wit a bad start...den ah...we had a conference...where wallace kor didnt co-opperate...he juz kept invitin those hu didnt wana tok about the bbq stuff...make until everyones com lack...im not alwaes in a good mood de okay...get something better to do can...until i really could not stand it le hor...i juz quit the conversation n started my own one...where onli gurls were present...so dat we dunt hab ppl lyk wallace kor kor...bein so rushed n wans everyone to b involved...anyway...naw really tired n stressed up...tired coz i spend my whole day doin dat tupid webbie which had tons ob mistakes...anyway...really stressed...coz got alot ob hmwk tomolo...n guzheng on wed...haven pratice...haw??i dunt care le la...dunt make it syf den dunt lor...n the last thing here im makin clear to all...i hate guys!!!u ass holes...wateva is the prob wit u guys??u think gurls r toys for u to play wit n wen u got a new one...we get thrown away izzit...its not dat simple...n i wunt make it dat simple...i got hurt once not bad enuf...got hurt again n again...i m startin to think dat my prince is neber gonna make it to me le...lost hope in lurbb le...naw i understand haw jay kor kor feels le...mayb i shall rephraise it...i hate guys hu play wit gurls feelins...i wanna thank the guys hu were dere wen i nided dem...really thank yew guys...n my jie meis...lurbb u all...but as for those hu broke my heart...i hate u all...i noe im not suppose to...but u gav me no choice...its juz lyk...my heart...juz lyk a fragile glass bottle...standin on the highest part ob a shelf...n suddenly...some kid juz cums...tryin to get me...but juz lost his handlin...n juz let me fall to the ground...shatterin...breakin...into a million pieces...but wen the kid wans to patch it back...dere r lines...holes which r not covered...present in me...so izzit the same??not the same anymore...i alwaes tell myself...gib it up ba...but weneva a new hope cums...i juz gib in again...y?y muz i b so tupid...y muz i gib in everytym...i will onli end up bein hurt again...do u guys think its fun?i dunt think so...u ought to hav a taste ob it...from today onwards...no more guys n stuff...no more...neber...i will juz grow up to becum a well bred woman ba...wit no boys to hindle my work...wateva it is...i dunt nid guys...i can stay alive witout u ppl...hu cares about u ppl?i dunt naw...n neber will...anyway...was listenin to shadow by ashlee simpson...really good wor...i think it so shows her life...i show it to u ppl ba...heres shadow by ashlee simpson...

"Shadow"

I was six years old
When my parents went away
I was stuck inside a broken life
I couldn't wish away
She was beautiful
She had everything and more
And my escape was hiding out and running for the door

Somebody listen please
It used to be so hard being me
Living in the shadow
Of someone else's dream
Trying to find a hand to hold but every touch felt cold to me
Living in a nightmare
A never-ending sleep
But now that I am wide awake
My chains are finally free
Don't feel sorry for me

All the days collided
One less perfect than the next
I was stuck inside someone else's life and always second best
Oh, I love you now 'cause now I realize
That it's safe outside to come alive in my identity

So if you're listening
There's so much more to me you haven't seen
Living in the shadow
Of someone else's dream
Trying to find a hand to hold but every touch felt cold to me
Living in a nightmare
A never-ending sleep
But now that I am wide awake
Then I can finally see
Don't feel sorry for me-

Mother, sister, father, sister, mother
Everything's cool now
Mother, sister, father, sister, mother
Everything's cool now
Oh, my life is good
I've got more than anyone should
Oh, my life is good
And the past is in the past

I was living in the shadow
Of someone else's dream
Trying to find a hand to hold but every touch felt cold to me
I'm living in a new day
I'm living it for me
And now that I am wide awake
Then I can finally see
Don't feel sorry for me
Don't feel sorry, don't feel sorry for me
Don't feel sorry, don't feel sorry for me

Living in, living in, living in the shadow
Living in, living in, living in a new day

okay...hav enuf of tokin le...i juz wanna dig a hole...hide myself in dere foreva...i dunt wanna tok to anyone mayb for sometym ba...but see first...anyway...goin le...juz wanna say to those guys...thank yew for hurtin me...for it made me stronger...thank yew for liein to me...for it made me more careful...so it doesnt mean u guys r worthless thou...u cum in handy wen i nid to build up my character...thank yew...hope dat u can oso help other ppl ba...hate u foreva-

2004-10-31T16:36:00.000-08:00

-okay...yesterday really too tired to type anything...juz did some quizes...dats all lor...today...i shall fill u ppl wit wat happened yesterday...yesterday...went to east coast park...go play!!!wOhOo~~~i thot was kinda borin coz go wit church ma...lil did i noe it was total fun!!!me n dorcas once we reach...we so totally broke away form the group...wOhOo~~~we walled along the beach...den sat on a really big rock...den i screamed all my sorrows away...was very nice...den we went on walkin...wen we reach the place where the water came from...we start to built a sand castle...den some ob the other sistas cum to help too...really had alot ob fun buildin it...it was really nice too...very pretty...but naw no pic...its in david's camera...but his internet now not available...so muz wait...so ppl...wait patiently...okay...its really nice...so its really worth waitin...great tym i had dere...we picked sea shells...seaweeds...sticks to built it...so its really nice...den after finish...we took pics ob it lor...its really cool...wOhOo~~~anyway...finish le...was very tired...n hungry...coz neber eat lunch...so juz came home...wanted to wait for bro david...but today den he tell me internet down...hai wo cannot rest eariler...anyway...not really in the mood to rite...wen the pic is available...den i show to u ppl...today...gonna intro to u ppl...ashlee simpson de pieces ob me...i really lyk the song...nice soong...

"Pieces Of Me"

On a Monday, I am waiting
Tuesday, I am fading
And by Wednesday, I can't sleep
Then the phone rings, I hear you
And the darkness is a clear view
Cuz you've come to rescue me

Fall... With you, I fall so fast
I can hardly catch my breath, I hope it lasts

[Chorus:]
Ohhhhh
It seems like I can finally rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhhh
It's as if you know me better than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me

I am moody, messy
I get restless, and it's senseless
How you never seem to care

When I'm angry, you listen
Make me happy it's your mission
And you won't stop til I'm there

Fall... Sometimes I fall so fast
When I hit that bottom
Crash, you're all I have

[Chorus:]
Ohhhhh
It seems like I can finally rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhhh
It's as if you known me better than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me

How do you know everything I'm about to say?
Am I that obvious?
And if it's written on my face...
I hope it never goes away... yeah

On a Monday, I am waiting
And by Tuesday, I am fading into your arms...
So I can dream

[Chorus:]
Ohhhhh
It seems like I can finally rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhhh
It's as if you've know me better than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
Ohhhhh
I love how you can tell
Ohhhhh
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me...

nice song...everyone really havta listen to it...anyway...tomolo intro to u ppl ashlee simpson de shadow...another very nice song...so everyone...enjoy...ciao...-

2004-10-30T22:05:00.000-07:00

What Color Angel Are You? (ANIME PICS)

You're a "Pink Angel". Now, just because
it may be a little bit of a feminin color
doesn't mean you're all girly and whiney.
You're very self-less and love to bring good
news to people because you like seeing people
happy. You have better manners than most and
people love how polite you can be. You're
friends love that they hardley ever get in
arguments with you and can barely get mad at
you! You're friends and family mean so much to
you and it takes more than a fight to break you
away from them. (if you cannot see the pics, go
near the bottom of my homepage and find your
result. look closely to make sure your look in
the right place)

brought to you by Quizilla

my other results...

What Color Angel Are You? (ANIME PICS)

You're a "Green Angel". You're one person
who is extremely protective of people around
you (especially your friends) and you'd end up
as a gaurdian angel. You're stronger than most
and aren't ashamed to show it. People know how
tough you are and don't dare to mess with you
when you get mad. You've got a serious justice
complex so anything that seems wrong makes you
mad. You're real close with your friends and
couldn't live wihout them so even in heaven,
you want to help them. You know they'd want you
as a gaudian angel and you'd love to be able to
ensure safety of your friends for yourself
because you're on of those "If you want
something done right, do it yourself" kind
of person. (if you cannot see the pics, go near
the bottom of my homepage and find your result.
look closely to make sure your look in the
right place)

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Where did you come from?

You came from heaven. Your gole in life is to help
others and to make the world a better place.
Some call you weak, but in reality your soul is
very strong. If only more people were like
you...

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my other results...
Where did you come from?

You came from the flowers. Innocent, cute, you see
the world in a rainbow colored perpective.
Happy, but sometimes a bit foolish.

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Where did you come from?

You came from the water. Calm and shy, you know
what you want, but sometimes are afraid to
stand up for yourself.

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What season are you? (pics)

You're a Spring. You usually are very close-knit
with your friends and value everyone freidnship
you have. You're a real people person and
everyone loves how friendly you are. You're
good with encouraging people but usually don't
like to be the center of attention. You are a
social butterfly and probably are in several
circles of friends but it's just because you're
well liked and you make people comfortable.
You're both fun and wise but you are very
realistic about life.(If you can't see tje
pics, go to my homepage and look near the
bottom and find your result)

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What feeling do you represent?

You represent... happiness.
Boy, are you full of cheer or what...? You have a
sunny disposition and enjoy trying to spread
your happiness. You have a tendency to be a
little hyper, but you have the ability to make
your own fun no matter what.

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my other results...

What feeling do you represent?

You represent... hope.
You're quite a daydreamer and can be a hopeless
romantic. You enjoy being creative and don't
mind being alone at times. You have goals, and
know what you want in life... even if they are
a little far fetched.

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What kind of dark person are you?

Dark magician. You love the dark because of it's
beauty and just the life that no-one else sees.
Mysterious, calm, quiet... But that doesn't
mean you're not friendly!

Please rate ^^

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What Mystical Creature Are You? (Pictures)

You're like a fairy. Fairies were the little pixies
that usually lived in the forest with wings
like butterflies and perfect little faces.
they had brown or blonde hair and pale skin
with freckles. They were entergetic, joyful,
playful, very smart, and peaceful. Fairies are
deffinately the most famous of all fantasy
creatures. (If you cannot see the picture, go
to my userpage and look near the bottom. There
should be the picture and description for all
the results)

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What Kind of ANGEL are you? (For Girls only) This Quiz has amazingly Beautiful Pictures!

Congrats! Your a Pure Angel! Angels, as far as most
of them go, are all compatabile creatures, but
Pure ones simply are symbols of God. Pure
Angels always appear when a child is born, when
a rainbow is seen, or when someone shares their
first kiss. They never grow old, an can appear
in the shape of a naked woman with white, bold
wings. Pure angels are the carriers of god, and
show their love to everyone in the world.

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What is your element?

Water. Whatever you do, where or when, you do it
with all of your heart. You listen to your
heart and all of your emotions are true
non-acting. Friends are very importent to you
and you will do anything for them. You're the
most dreamy of all 4 elements.

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What kind of beauty should you have? (girls w/ pics)

Your beauty is sweet! You are so incredibly
adorable that people love to saw how cute you
look. Beauty like yours can be characterized as
youthfullness. You probably look very young or
maybe even younger than you actually are. Your
a very timid person some of the time. (If you can't
see the pictures, go to my profile and look
near the very bottom)

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**The ultimate Fairy quiz**(anime pics!) for girls, but if you are a guy you can take it too! !**being improved more**!

You are like the snow fairy, she is very beautiful,
she has the power to make things beautiful, but
She is sometimes quite selfish, and spends most
of the time she should be using her magic
staring at her self in the mirror. Other than
the fact that she is vain and selfish. She is
a nice person, when she IS actually using her
magic, her powers are great, and she is very
helpful. Well that's most of the tings about
the snow fairy, can you relate to some of them?
You probably can, because that is what this
quiz is for!

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What elemental dragon are you?

Your a water Dragon! Congrats! Like ice dragons,
you are extremly powerful, but show it more
often. You are a leader, and like to speak your
opinion. AND, you are charming, swift, and
great at dancing, ou enjoy getting stuck in the
rain, playing with friends, and swimming
anywhere! Wat-ER you wating for?

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2004-10-29T11:53:00.000-07:00

-eh...okay...today i really very tired...dunno y...but yesterday could not sleep...sigh...so naw very tired lor...i m gonna sleep after i rite dis ba...hab no mood to do anything...so today...woke up...go to school...den wen it was flag raisin ceremoney de announcement tym...it rained...den the tupid principal make us stay in the parade square to listen to dem gib out prizes...*crazy*...tupid...ass hole...den was a lil wet la...den lyk naw i sick liao lor...so sad...ahhhh~~~she is one sickenin big ass...hate her foreva...haha...den we went back to class...quickly took down the decorations coz the school wanted us to do it...den miss tan walked in...den she was lyk smilin at us...not dat sacarstic smile...but it was a really nice smile...my first tym seein it...it suddenly hit me dat...miss tan to me is thee best teacher in the world...haha...but its true...dis is really cumin from deep down in ma heart...anyway...she was lyk habin fun wit us...i was lyk jokin wit her lor!!!was dat great or wat...she wasnt dat fierce after all...she joked back wit me...haha...it was lyk...she told us 'class...dat would b your holi hmwk...' den i 'huh...' in front ob her la...den she looked at me...den i was lyk thinkin 'goodbye sophia...your last day on earth...'...but...she was lyk...'wat huh...no huh...muz say good...' den i juz say 'good' lor...haha...den both ob us lauf...haha...so fun...i really lurbb miss tan ba...she is one ob the best teacher i eva hab...i really gonna miss dis class...she is not dat strict after all...den after class...i went round huggin ma frens...sigh...i m gonna miss dem too...expecially one ob dem...sigh...*weep*...*snif*...*sigh*...but it all was done by me wat...i caused all those things to happen de...i shouldnt hab any rights to cry or feel sad about...i wanted to hug her the last...coz lyk dat i can hug her longer ma...so i think i did hug her longer den other ppl ba...i almost wanted to cry out...n tell her dat im sowie...n im gonna miss her the most...but as u ppl noe...wo hen ai mian zi...very stubbon...i juz dunt dare to tell it in front ob her...so i juz let her go n quickly rush out lor...hopin dat no one sees me goin to cry le...but i noe dat i hab no right to cry anyway...im sure gonna miss her alot...i dunno wat to do le...but i still wan u to noe deep in my heart...i alwaes left a place for u...as my one n onli best fren...so i m gonna post a lyric sang by s club...its say goodbye...the best one i could find to descride haw i really feel naw...

"Say Goodbye"

In the years to come
Will you think about these moments that we shared
In the years to come
Are you gonna think it over
And how we lived each day with no regrets
Nothing lasts forever though we want it to
The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you

[chorus]
Sometimes goodbye though it hurts in your heart is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye though it hurts is the only way now for you and me
Though its the hardest thing to say
I'll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye
But don't you cry
Because a true love never dies

In a year from now
Maybe there'll be things we'll wish we'd never said
In a year from now
Maybe we'll see each other, standing on the same street corner though it rains
Each and every end is always written in the stars
If only i could stop the World i'd make this last

[Chorus]
Sometimes goodbye though it hurts in your heart is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye though it hurts is the only way now for you and me
Though it's the hardest thing to say
I'll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye
But don't you cry
Because a true love never dies

And when you need my arms to run into
I'll come for you
Nothing will ever change the way i feel

[Chorus]
Sometimes goodbye though it hurts in your heart is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye though it hurts is the only way now for you and me
Though it's the hardest thing to say
I'll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye
Because a true love never dies

really meets my nids naw...althou i lurbb the tym we spent...but as dey said...good things dunt last foreva...but we muz neber hav any regrets...but i cant think about not havin any regrets...juz dat naw is the tym for both ob us to lead our own lives le...althou sayin good bye is the hardest thing to say...althou i will miss u in every way...but i wan u to noe dat the bond between us n the lurbb for each other will neber die...mayb wen tym passes...we will wish we neber say all those bad stuff to each other...for all the great tym we had...i wan u to noe dat its always in ma heart...n dat if i could i wan to stop the world from movin juz to save dat moment we had...wen ur in trouble or wateva...n u nid a person dere for u to hug...look for me...coz i will always b waitin for u...even if dere r a 100 steps...u juz havta take 1 step...n i will do the other 99 for u...nothing will change the frenship we had...i wish i could tell u dis in ur face...but...im scared...scared dat u dunt feel the way i do...im sowie for all the trouble i caused...dat selfish me...i wish i neber met u...so dat i dunt havta brin all these pain to u...n the others...im truely very sowie...but as i said...true lurbb neber dies...even if u dunt feel the way i do...i juz wan u to noe dat...i still care for u...thank yew for bringin light to my life...those days could b said as the happiest days ob my life...thank yew...n i lurbb n miss u foreva...-

2004-10-27T23:59:00.000-07:00

-yesterday didnt update coz too tired liao...so update for juz today de lor...okay...today woke up...very tired...actually wanna report as sick de...but i thot mayb today take back report book...but neber lor...damm...wasted my tym...but den i remember dat i got a history trip...so muz go lor...sad...very sad...haha...anyway...juz go la...had a really good tym den...but before dat...guess wat 'fun' we had...we had the tupidest fire drill...hcl class was the last...me...ophe...shir...kazan pratically strolled our way dere...den the consillors were behind us yellin 'faster!!!'...den we were lyk still strollin lor...i hate dat freakin ass consillor...other consillor neber cum n bother us...y should u??so...den she ask us to run...den we were lyk...fake runnin...den we say...'run' so fast le...u still wan faster ah??haha...damm dat tupid consillor...haha...freak her...u ass hole...at least dis is still okay...wen we were in the field...ms long made us squat...tupid ppl...we squat...dey sit...under shade somemore...ass hole...den still cannot stand...so we juz kang yi lor...expecially the sec 3s...dey lyk dunt care about ms long lor...haha...i wanted to try...but i guess better not la...later my conduct poor ah...den jiu die liao lor...haha...sigh...my tupid life...anyway...the trip was diffinately cool...the trip was eerie...expecially the one about the festivals...scared the hell outa me...tupid ppl...sigh...anyway...those stuff aint new to me...u can find den in the kampongs...haha...so didnt really pay attention...den we had one hour to shop...haha...so we walk all the way to mac...eat dere den no tym left le...the bus arrive earlier...so we juz quickly ran back lor...damm pain...dat totally suck...den we came back do a survey...den a few ob us quickly ran up to the hall to go check out the band...den dey were already on their last song...so okay lor...dey were quite good...i quite lyk dem...hope dey play for us again...came home...had totally nothing to do...so juz tried to sleep...but couldnt...so neber mind lor...juz turn here turn dere lor...its lyk dat de la...so juz read a story book...den i finally slept...den i had the worst call ob my life...i dunt wanna tok about it...so juz wish dat i can overcum it wen tym cums...den i started to recall things...sigh...but i juz recalled the wrong stuff...i feel bad...n im very sowie...everyone i had hurt...expecially one ob dem...i m truely really sowie...hope dat wen tym cums...u understand wat happened den...im too stressed up...n still...i did my exams lyk shit...mayb i was thinkin too much ba...im very sowie...i juz wan u to noe dat...the things i said...please dunt take it seriously...i noe dat no one can replace u...coz i haven found one dat person...thou i hope u can cum back...but its kinda impossible...we got our own frens le...thou i look happy...i really hurt deeply inside...coz i couldnt bare to think dat we r no longer wat we used to b...i juz wan to let u noe...i lurbb u...i miz u...n i cant do anything but to juz let u noe dat...wateva u do...i surpport u all the way...hope dat u forgib me ob my childishness...i didnt mean to rite those things about u...mayb u hab forgotten me...but i will neber forget...the tyms we had...the memories i will keep foreva in my heart...i hope u dunt mind me...but i really miz u...my new frens arnt lyk u...but at least i hab dem...dey juz arnt lyk u...we dunt hab much fun lyk we use to...i miz those fun...i miz u...alot...anyway...say all these oso no use...i juz wanna let u noe dat i lurbb u foreva...here is a song for you...do you remember by aaron carter...i noe i post it before...buti think its really meaninful...i hope u forgib me...thank you...

"Do You Remember"

Ohhhohhhh Yeah
Ooooh
Oohohh

Remember we'd be up all night
Talking 'til the morning light, yeah
Like the way it used to be
Those simple days
Just you and me, mmmm

I think baby I know
What's on your mind
Cuz you look like you've
Got something to say

I may not say those words anymore
But maybe it just ain't my way

You ask me do I love you but
Do you remember
Why I walked on water for you
Do you remember
My first steps on the moon
Have you ever wondered why
I gave three wishes to you
You asked the question
But the answer lies
In you, in you
The answer lies in you

Remember we used to laugh and say
No one else could get in our way
And there were times
When you would cry
And came knocking
On my door
And I was there
To shelter your pain

I think baby you should
Get that off your mind
Make it seem like
A brighter day

I may not say those words anymore
But maybe I can make it my way

You ask me do I love you but
Do you remember
Why I walked on water for you
Do you remember
My first steps on the moon
Have you ever wondered why
I gave three wishes to you
You asked the question
But the answer lies
In you, in you
The answer lies in you

The answer girl
Lies within your heart
Take a look inside

You ask me do I love you but
Do you remember
Why I walked on water for you
Do you remember
My first steps on the moon
Have you ever wondered why
I gave three wishes to you
You asked the question
But the answer lies
In you, in you
The answer lies in you

In you, in you
The answer lies in you

In you, in you
The answer lies in you

In you, in you
The answer lies in you, yeah

i onli can say i lurbb you foreva...thank you for the good memories you gav me...the the good tyms we spend...-

2004-10-25T14:44:00.000-07:00

-okay...today not feelin really good...so i wan someone to cheer me up...i think durin the holis...i go get myself a job...or mayb juz go to spca n ophanage to go make the kids happy n to take care ob pets...which means voluntary work...mum agreed to let me go...so i think i wanna go try to c wat im good at...wen i grow up...i think i wunt wanna b a graphic desgner...not bcoz no money to earn...coz i found out dat money aint everything to me...i think i wunt wan any money at all...i juz wanna serve all these poor things...take care about abondoned animals n children...poor thing rite...i noe...i wanna spread God's word to these ppl...n get dem saved...so dat even thou day dunt hab parents dey at least noe dat dere is someone called God...n dat God lurbbs dem lots...juz lyk haw God lurbbs me...at least dey will do something tupid n neber realise dat someone lurbbs dem alot...i wanna do my part...n save the whole world before God cums...i wanna let all those hu feel helpless n unloved...to feel dat actually...in these unlovin world...dere is someone lurbbs dem...n dat is God...hope dat everyone would b able to lurbb n get to noe God...anyway...dats all about my holiday jobs...yawn...very tired naw...last nite slept at 3am...so very tired...anyway...dunt feel lyk ritin liao...so juz post the song lyrics ob my bloggy song...its dreamin ob you by selena...

"dreaming of you"

Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I stay up and think of you
And I wish on a star that somewhere you are
Thinking of me too

Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight
Till tomorrow I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room dreaming about you and me

Wonder if you ever see me
And I wonder if you know I'm there
If you looked in my eyes
Would you see what's inside
Would you even care?

I just wanna hold you close
But so far all I have a dreams of you
So I wait for the day
And the courage to say how much I love you
Yes I do!

I'll be dreaming of you tonight
Till tomorrow I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room dreaming about you and me

Coraz󮊉 can't stop dreaming of you
No puedo dejar de pensar en ti
I can't stop dreaming
C󭯠te necesito
I can't stop dreaming of you
Mi amor, c󭯠te extra񯊊Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I stay up and think of you
And I still can't believe
That you came up to me and said "I love you"
I love you too!

Now I'm dreaming with you tonight
Till tomorrow and for all of my life
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room dreaming of you endlessly

Dreaming of you tonight
Till tomorrow I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room
I'll be dreaming of you tonight
Endlessly
And I'll be holding you tight
Dreaming...with you...tonight!

its really nice n touchin...hope u ppl out dere lurbb it too...n ah...i might change the song to graduation by vitamin c...so ppl act fast...listen to dreamin ob you as fast as u can...before i change...okay...gots to go...buai buai-

2004-10-24T23:14:00.000-07:00

-yawn...today nothing much happened...juz went to church in the mornin...den got home...play com...play le...eat dinner jiu go walk wit my parents in the park...wen i got to the park...dis cute kitty was lyk followin me around the whole park...haha...so cute...i lurbb it...but cant brin home...so sad...anyway...mum sae durin the holis...i can go to spca go take care de animals dere...lyk dat jiu dunt nid to buy animals liao...yawn...very tired...today went thru dis song...very nice...its do you remember by aaron carter...very nice song...

"Do You Remember"

Ohhhohhhh Yeah
Ooooh
Oohohh

Remember we'd be up all night
Talking 'til the morning light, yeah
Like the way it used to be
Those simple days
Just you and me, mmmm

I think baby I know
What's on your mind
Cuz you look like you've
Got something to say

I may not say those words anymore
But maybe it just ain't my way

You ask me do I love you but
Do you remember
Why I walked on water for you
Do you remember
My first steps on the moon
Have you ever wondered why
I gave three wishes to you
You asked the question
But the answer lies
In you, in you
The answer lies in you

Remember we used to laugh and say
No one else could get in our way
And there were times
When you would cry
And came knocking
On my door
And I was there
To shelter your pain

I think baby you should
Get that off your mind
Make it seem like
A brighter day

I may not say those words anymore
But maybe I can make it my way

You ask me do I love you but
Do you remember
Why I walked on water for you
Do you remember
My first steps on the moon
Have you ever wondered why
I gave three wishes to you
You asked the question
But the answer lies
In you, in you
The answer lies in you

The answer girl
Lies within your heart
Take a look inside

You ask me do I love you but
Do you remember
Why I walked on water for you
Do you remember
My first steps on the moon
Have you ever wondered why
I gave three wishes to you
You asked the question
But the answer lies
In you, in you
The answer lies in you

In you, in you
The answer lies in you

In you, in you
The answer lies in you

In you, in you
The answer lies in you, yeah

okay...really nice song too...go listen to it...anyway...got to go...buai buai-

2004-10-23T21:28:00.000-07:00

-okay...today went out wit my blardy twin[ophe] n my good fren[xin hui]...we went out to watch ouija board...I TELL U PPL...no matter wat happens...dunt go n watch...not dat its scary...its total crap i tell u...althou all the ghost shows to me is crap...but dis is the crapiest...so i warnin u ppl...dunt go watch okay...its the crapiest...almost fell asleep ya noe...good thing got my frens around to wake me up...thou its not the way i wanted to b woken up...xinhui at least juz lean on me...ophe was the worst...u should not hab change seat wit xinhui leh...i thot u would b beta...but i was so damm wrong...she did alot ob things to me leh...first she juz lied on me...i thot dat was totally fine...den she lyk wanted me to hug her...i no comments la...den she grab my hands...N CRUSHED IT!!!pain de leh...but i didnt wan her to lyk feel scared den no one to go to...so i didnt say anything...den after dat...it got worst...she totally crushed my bones leh...i was lyk..."ow ow ow..."den she bo pian havta let go lor...den she grab again...okay...i thot aiya...juz let her hold again lor...but i really bu ke yi ren liao...damm pain...i dunno wat will happen wen someone else sat wit her...next tym...i shall sit alone...ppl goin out wit dem hor...next tym ah...juz buy two seats...no nid three seats...two ob dem juz keep on movin towards me leh...the whole movie hor...the most scariest part was the part where dey moved towards me n totally sat on me...haha...i watched thru the whole show...n i was damm crappy...the two ob dem lyk juz wasted their money lor...it aint dat scary la...but it was really crappy...if u r crappy one day...mayb dat show should suit u well...anyway...was juz listenin to the song lucky by britney spears...damm nice...

"Lucky"

This is a story about a girl named Lucky?

Early morning, she wakes up
Knock, knock, knock on the door
It's time for makeup, perfect smile
It's you they're all waiting for
They go?
"Isn't she lovely, this Hollywood girl?"
And they say?

[CHORUS:]
She's so lucky, she's a star
But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart, thinking
If there's nothing missing in my life
Then why do these tears come at night

Lost in an image, in a dream
But there's no one there to wake her up
And the world is spinning, and she keeps on winning
But tell me what happens when it stops?
They go?
"Isn't she lovely, this Hollywood girl?"
And they say?

[Repeat CHORUS]

"Best actress, and the winner is?Lucky!"
"I'm Roger Johnson for Pop News standing outside the arena waiting for Lucky"
"Oh my god?here she comes!"

Isn't she lucky, this Hollywood girl?
She is so lucky, but why does she cry?
If there's nothing missing in her life
Why do tears come at night?

[repeat chorus twice]

anyway...juz go listen to the song or watch the mtv...very touchin...read the lyrics u will oso noe le...so it still shows dat not all rich ppl n ppl wit high status r happy u noe...so juz b happy wit wat u hab naw...money cant buy happiness...love...frenship...life...so...cherish wat ya hab naw...its really important...so ppl...stop fightin for position n money...its juz not worth it...it might juz kill u...n wen ur death day cums...wat is money gonna do to u??u cant buy youth...n wen u die...no frens or family r dere for u...u die a miserable death...after lookin at my post...do gif it a good thot...okay...-

2004-10-22T23:02:00.000-07:00

-okay...today suppose to go home early de...but coz got graduation day...den muz help out...mornin was very fun coz mr quek play alot ob games wit us...very nice...haha...at least i got back wit my team...really happy...den wen mr quek had to leave...he sang a song...u wunt believe the name of the singer...i wunt wan to say out...pai sei...haha...den ah...went for the graduation ceremony...UNFAIR...y dunt i get to go...I WANTED TO GO!!!but had to help out wit the guzheng...so cant...so sad...neber get to c the pic my kor kor took...anyway...really had a great tym wit my guzheng senoirs...wOhOo~~~guzheng finally feel lyk my family...haha...i lurbb my guzheng family...!!!we had really alot ob fun...real great...i wunt forget the sec 4 senoirs thou i dunno alot ob u...im glad u guys can get out ob dis pathetic school while im stuck to it for another 3 years...sigh...I HATE ZHONGHUA!!!zhonghua suck...SUCK BIG TYM...anyway...the onli senoir i noe very well is jason aka. jay kor kor...den not so well would b eh...terence n jun zhang...mass dance senoirs...jie sheng...thru a fren...shawn thru rebekah...i guess dats all...anyway...i xian mu u ppl...alot...sigh...good luck to me ba...im so gonna suffer...i will suffer even more wen i hab mrs lim behind my back...coz dat tym i gave her a buay song look n i answered back at her...i guess i m so gonna spend my 3 years in hell...i guess im in her bad books as well...sigh...good luck to me ba...n back to the graduates...althou i dunt really noe u guys well...im so gonna miss the sec 4s...juz came across dis song...so i dedicate it to the whole singapore's sec 4...if any sec 4s graduatin students come across my blog...tell other sec 4s...coz i wan all of dem to noe dis song...really meaninful song...i guess everyone noes it ba...so hab a good tym readin n understandin the lyrics okay...n u can easily find the song from windows media player...im oso listenin to it naw...its graduation(frens foreva)...very nice song...

"Graduation (Friends Forever)"

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn't know much of love
But it came too soon
And there was me and you
And then we got real blue
Stay at home talking on the telephone
We'd get so excited, we'd get so scared
Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels

[1] - As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come Whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever

So if we get the big jobs
And we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Will Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels

[Repeat 1]

La, la, la, la:
Yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la:
We will still be friends forever

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

[Repeat 1 (3x)]

nice song rite...i oso hab another song to introduce...but i shall do dat another tym...coz the post damm long liao...anyway...thankx alot to jay kor kor for bein dere for me wen i nided him...n ah...u got probs eh...noe hu to call as well eh...thankx alot for ur care n concern...will alwaes remember u de...as my self-proclaimed kor kor...-

2004-10-20T16:43:00.000-07:00

-today aint very good...im kinda sick...didnt go to school...went to c doc...doc told me i got bad condition...so damm sick...tired...den i got home...start to sleep...sleep until now lor...very tired...den ophe call me to tell me my marks..damm was i shocked...i didnt do as well as i did for mid year...argh...y cant i juz do well for once...y cant i juz b lyk kor kor...top every year...hab dat motivation to study hard...able to take up challenges...able to make my parents happy...i cant...i cant even fulfill one...i onli noe haw to play...play n juz play...i juz cant do it...no matter haw much i studied...i still fail...the more i study...the worst it gets...i hate it..i hate myself...wen will i b able to juz make my parents happy...i dunt think i can in anyway...im juz not kor kor...i juz cant b lyk him...he is cleber...n good lookin...im tupid...n ugly...i hate it...hate myself...i olwaes try to remind myself...study...study...study...but i juz cant...i juz keep on playin n playin...juz cant stop...i juz wanna grow up fast...n juz go to work...i dunt care if the pressure is more wen i work...i juz dunt wanna study...wat the world tryin to do to kids??dey r makin us more n more lyk robots...dey think very fun izzit??make kids work so hard...do dey even noe wat dey hab done to us??kids dis age last tym all so innocent...naw...do dey even noe dat the whole world is corrupted??dey think its very fun rite...den so b it lor...i dunt gib a damm liao...wat r exams for??exams is juz another cause for stress...hypertention...youths die one reason bcoz ob stress...n the cause ob stress is simply bcoz of studies...im really not surprised if one day my parents find me dead n rottin some where...its either i grow p fast...or i die naw...if not...i will juz get pushed ober the edge bcoz of stress...i wanna feel the breeze ob the wind in my face again...but i alwaes gif the exucse dat im buzy...im really buzy...buzy until i dunt even hab the tym to go out...to walk...alwaes keepin myslef in the room...n i juz find it stressin...juz listenin to the song let me sleep by s club...

"Let Me Sleep"

Ooh
Baby

Ooo-oo-ooh Ooo-oo-ooh Ooo-oo-ooh

Shadows on the wall
Forming outlines of your face
I reach out to touch you
Through time and through space

In my dreams I'm always with you

So let me sleep
Ooo-oo-ooh Ooo-oo-ooh Ooo-oo-ooh
In my dreams I'm with you
Ooo-oo-ooh Ooo-oo-ooh Ooo-oo-ooh
I'll always be with you

Oh oh
Ohh
Baby

I dream that your here with me
Lying by my side
This wont last forever
Let's catch the sands of time

I don't want ever to end

So let me sleep
Ooo-oo-ooh Ooo-oo-ooh Ooo-oo-ooh
In my dreams I'm with you
Ooo-oo-ooh Ooo-oo-ooh Ooo-oo-ooh
I'll always be with you

Let me sleep
Let me sleep
Let me sleep
Just let me sleep

Oh yeah

So let me sleep (oh)
Ooo-oo-ooh Ooo-oo-ooh Ooo-oo-ooh
In my dreams I'm with you
Ooo-oo-ooh Ooo-oo-ooh Ooo-oo-ooh
I'll always be with you

Let me sleep for a while let me dream of your smile
In my dreams I'm with you
Let me sleep for a while let me dream of your smile
I'll always be with you

[Repeat until fade]

okay...dis song really nice...everyone should listen...anyway...the song title...matches wit wat im feelin naw...i wanna sleep naw...n sleep foreva...n neber wake up again...since im sick...i got a pack ob pills at home...over doustage might cause death...so im really thinkin about whether anot to do it...i wish my parents would b more understandin...n realise dat i hav already done my best...but my mum would onli say dat i did not do my best...n go on n on...about me not doin my all for the exams...n my dad...someone hu wouldnt even care about my death or wat...i juz dunt care liao...i think i m juz ill fated...to b borned in dis family...my mum should juz abott wen she found out dat she had me...i wouldnt thank her for givin birth to me...it will onli gib her more problems...she thinks studyin is so fun...but let me tell u mum...studyin aint lyk the type u think it is already...its nothing got to do wit books anymore...its about critical thinkin okay...so gib it up n gib me space to breath...i noe dat kor kor dunt nid u to wowie about...whereas i nid...ur juz ill fated to hav me okay...wasnt it good last tym coz kor kor alwaes top the school??i wish i was neber borned...i guess i juz brin u nothing...no pride no nothing at all...not lyk kor kor...did so well for boy's brigade...n for his studies...i juz wan u ppl to noe dat...im not lyk kor kor...im not him at all...i hav different interest...i cant do wat he does...coz i m not as cleber as he is...anyway...would u ppl even care if i said dat much??i think no...coz in ur eyes...both ob us muz meet ur expectations...kor kor did it...but i cant...IM NOT HIM...do u guys get it??i wish u ppl do...coz im sufferin here...I DUNT WANNA STUDY!!!i study for the sake ob u ppl...not bcoz ob my own good...i study to make u ppl happy...not to gain more knowledge...if u ppl would juz gib me space to breath...i might b able to study bcoz ob gainin knowledge...but it will neber happen lyk dat...will neber anyway...do u ppl noe haw much i hate tokin to u??i think u dunt...u alwaes make me sound lyk a robot...study study study...onli studyin is good...gib it up already...I M NOT MADE TO STUDY...i wanna b made to b loved...by god...by frens...n by dat special person...not to b manipulated!!!i dunt wan to b dat study robot...i dunt wanna b dat robot bein used by u ppl again...i juz wanna b me...dat special me...n not the robot me...-

2004-10-19T16:14:00.000-07:00

-okay...yesterday neber update...coz com got a lil prob...dunno y cannot use...anyway...yesterday nite was the worst day ob all...coz ah...tokin to my kor...n he was lyk teachin me something so bad...which kor ah...dat kor noes himself la...sae teach me haw ta french kiss...*shake head*...no set good example ah...bad...very bad...very very bad...very very very bad...eh...i guess dats enuf...den ah...was tokin la...damm is my ear hurtin me...but it hurts me more wen i looked thru the testis...i look thru everything dat was riten...i juz wanna let ppl out dere noe dat...all those good stuff riten about me...its juz not true...okay...juz dunt wanna put a good image ob me in anyone's mind...coz i aint dat good...im a jinx...a horrible fren...i gripped on to my frens too tightly already...gibin dem no space to breathe...gibin dem no space to move...n hab their own freedom...guess im not good bein anything...i wanna wuickly grow up...leave dis country...leave all these things behind me n neber remember all these things again...coz im not good enuf to keep all these good memories...she indeed done alot for me le...n yet im askin for more...m i bad??i think she doesnt care about me...but she was the one dat really was worried...i m bad...horrible...i hate myself...for juz losin a fren...not juz a normal fren...my best fren...juz lyk dat...thru all my selfish means...i juz dunt wanna do anything anymore...dunt wan any one to b wit me anymore...i dunt wanna hurt ppl one by one...im currently down depressed hurt...i juz dunt feel lyk me anymore...i hate myslef...for doin all these bad things to her...n i m truely deeply sowie...juz listenin to the song love doesnt have to hurt by attomic kittens...

"Love Doesn't Hurt Have To Hurt"

I learned a lesson in my life
But I learned it the hard way
I don't know why I used to fall in love
With the wrong kind

Then I suffer so much pain
But I only had myself to blame
maybe you came
In the nick of time to show me

Love doesn't have to hurt
To feel good
It's such a revelation
With you I can be myself
I know it should
Don't have to cry
Don't have to fight
Don't have to die
Night after night
Show me
Love (Love)
Doesn't have to hurt to feel good

Darling now it seems to me
Like I've always known you
But I still shudder
When I think back
On the lonely times

I used to keep all my feelings inside
From your eyes I have nothing to hide
Baby you came
In the nick of time to show me

Love doesn't have to hurt
To feel good
It's such a revelation
With you I can be myself
I know it should
Don't have to cry
Don't have to fight
Don't have to die
Night after night
Show me
Love (Love)
Doesn't have to hurt to feel good

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Baby

Lying here beside you
Feels so fine
Talking about everything in this heart of mine

Love doesn't have to hurt
To feel good
It's such a revelation
With you I can be myself
I know it should
Don't have to cry
Don't have to fight
And in your arms
Night after night
Show me
Love (Love)
Doesn't have to hurt to feel good
Yeah
Thank you baby, thank you baby

i truely thank u for showin me dat love doesnt hab to hurt...i m glad i met a fren lyk u...i thank u for showin me dat love doesnt hab to hurt...i thank u for everything u hab done for me...but i juz aint fortunate enuf to experience more ob dat love or frenship for eternity...i miz u n lurrb u foreva...thank u for everything...i thank u foreva for all dat u hab done for me...i hope u dunt mind me for wat i done last tym...i wish we will b frens foreva...juz normal frens...i dunt wish to ask for more...i dunt dare to face another fall if we arnt in good terms again...im not dat strong thou i act lyk one...i thank u for everything...but juz onli wan to but frens...normal frens...foreva as frens...hope dat i still m ur sista in our god family...but i dunt ask for dat much...i dunt ask for ur forgivness after all dat i have done...i juz wan us to b frens again...but if u dunt wan...im fine wit it...i understand...but thank u for everything dat u hab done for me...thank u...-

2004-10-18T18:55:00.000-07:00

-okay...today so rule...i went out to meet ophe...ming ying...hui ling...xinhui...n my toy plant...haha...no la...toy plant is ivy...okay...anyway...we went to escape to play...haha...i was lyk...so excited...but a lil afraid...coz ob heights...hehe...damm scared...first...we went to take a baby roller coaster...althou it is small...its fast ya noe...haha...i was screamin my head off...lol...but the second round i was lyk...i could order a coffee dere...okay la...not so kua zhang la...den i forgot wat we do next le...i onli rmb the rides we took...the alpha 8...damm scary...but very guo ying...its was lyk...we got alot ob sharp turns...n alot ob sudden drops...my butt lyk got lifted off the chair...so damm scary...n i almost got flunked out ob the carriage...really scared out ob my damm wits...den we took the pirate ship...first tym not dat scared...but i was tryin to make mingying shout...coz she really scared...so i thot screamin out loud would b better...so she did shout...occationally....den we took it more tyms...n she got really bold...until we even took the 3 row...WAH...jie jie so brave...haha...den we went for the 'super man' ride...so damm relaxin...haha...n den some ob the rest went for the bumper boat...but i didnt go coz i got flu...dunt wanna get myself wet...den get myself even more sick...lol...anyway...kinda tired naw...den after we play n eat le hor...we went back home liao le...but den ophe gonna meet her stead...which is my jie fu...den we go serangoon mrt...den hor...half way...she tell me someone else goin...i was lyk...eh okay...den she pass me back my present...n said...pass it to him urself okay...den i was lyk...screamin into my mind...I GOT STOMACHE...CAN DUNT GO??haha...but i wasnt let off la...i got out ob the mrt n ran out...i wanted to escape...but i got pulled back...den i lyk so shy lyk dat...juz pass him his present...n he pass me mine...den i said the tupidest words...okay...thankx...buai buai...tupid rite...i noe...den later ophe ask me wan to go get my earhole anot...i was lyk jumpin wit joy...but i was thinkin...u arnt gonna call dem along rite...next thing i noe...i was on the train to ps to go poke...den lyk so gan ka...coz i stand one side...den he stand one side...but cant help it can...ppl shy leh...haha...as joey said...its juz lil a soft slap...she is so correct...i got it poked...it was lyk a niddle poke thru...den the whole ear numb...den it was on fire...kinda shuang...but den i received a call...mummi called...she lyk new i got my ear pierced...den she ask me go home straight away n by 30 mins...so i rushed home...n she was lyk...hey dear...haw was it??did u hab a good tym??i was lyk...mum...u called me a while ago...dunt u remember wat u told me??den so i didnt show the earhole to her...but i kinda freaked out...really freaked out...wat really happened??i dunno...but i oso dunt wanna noe...so dunt wanna think about it...kinda scary...anyway...gtg...buai buai...

2004-10-17T22:51:00.000-07:00

-okay...yesterday didnt update coz grace was usin me com...den i oso no mood to update...anyway...today went to church...wasnt in the mood...was lyk hatin someone from the bottom ob my heart...lol...wunt wanna elaborate...after church...i went out wit my mum...to go get new clothes!!!wOhOo~~~dis so rule my world...i lurbb my mum...noes juz wat i really nid...i got clothes over $100...wOhOo~~~still haven count the money for bags n shoes...bags i will get sometym later...shoes muz i go search for the perfect one...den go get money from my mama...haha...wOhOo~~~lurbb u mummi!!!foreva...den i went for a walk wit my mama...den we were lyk tokin...i juz feel so good...den we came back...juz in tym to watch wo zuo yan jian dao gui...so funni...but sad...i dunt really noe the whole story...but i think the gurl got married not long...den lost the husband juz lyk dat...althou she onli noe her husband for lyk 7 days...she deeply felt for him...aint dat so touchin??i wish i got a husband lyk dat...haha...so good...i wish i was lyk her...deeply felt for her husband...n in the end...she felt as thou her husband wans her to marry someone else...so its lyk...so coincidental...lurrb dat show...really wish i watched the whole show...sigh...aint feelin really good today...so i wunt rite dat much...so gtg sleep...buai buai...-

2004-10-16T23:21:00.000-07:00

-yawn...kinda tired naw...coz dis morn...woke up at around 6am...i finally realise...no matter wat tym i sleep...i will still wake up at 6am...sigh...very tired...last nite searchin the song crazy in love...so in the end...i slept onli for about 4 hours...so damm tired...anyway...I FINALLY FOUND THE MUSIC...okay...not i find de la...its wit the help ob my jason kor kor...he ah...neber tell me he could upload music ah...hai wo last nite neber sleep...haha...not entirely his fault thou...blame me for bein tupid lor...sigh...den dis morn ah...coz neber do my house chores...den got grounded...den cannot go out do my earholes...sigh...so sian...den wen tym to go church...my mummi got so happy...she pratically chasin me out ob the house to go church...sigh...i dunt wanna go one leh...anyway...before goin to church...i was watchin liu zing hua yuan...o man...daoming si so nice...i wish i had a stead lyk him...neber change his mind on hu he lyks...n he lyk totally gib in to a gurl...so cool...i wanna stead lyk him leh...but...i dunt wanna bring any trouble to ppl anymore...i shall bear all the pain alone...i feel so damm aweful...sigh...den...it was tym to go to church la...i went to shop before go church...i went to get new ear rings...n looked at the rings...n the hairbands...den me n grace went to church lor...sigh...kinda tired...but...cant sleep...juz naw had a really good tok wit my mummi...its yk she totally understands me...sigh...i wish i tok to her eariler...i thot i could solve everything on my own...but damm was i so wrong...i was juz so naive...sigh...naw dat i let everything out...i feel so happy...so carefree...n to relieve my stress...mummi bringin me out tomolo to buy anything i wan...mayb ophe n jie fu noe y...but its juz lyk dat...so im really gonna buy everything i wan...before i leave...leave everyone...sigh...to think ob it...sigh...i rather not...-

2004-10-15T18:31:00.000-07:00

-okay...today aint dat good either...i was kinda sick wen i got up...*correction*...i could not even get out of dat tupid bed...not really could not la...but it was lyk i was standin on my bed...den i got a lil dizzy...n well...i wunt elaorate it anymore...juz wanna sae dat i fell off my damm bed...so kinda hurt in the head...first lesson was suppose to b history...but coz got sport check...so lyk wasted tym for not gettin back the history paper...wen we got back to class...alot ob the gurls were cryin coz their hair's were cut off...totally ugly man...tupid teacher...wan to cut their hair coz she jealous...jealous dat our hair prettier dan hers...u freak ob nature...go get hair dressin lessons la...so lao du...luan luan cut our hair...okay...den wen we went back to class...after some tym...mr quek came n was tellin us his plan...he said...we will spend some tym to correct the rong answers...den if we hab tym...we shall play a game...den he turn to look at the clock...den we ask him wat game we playin...den he replyed...we r goin to play nothing at all...lol...so funni...coz we lyk onli hab 10 mins left...so play nothing lor...after his lesson...it was ms tan's lesson...she came in told us a few encouragin words...n let us sit down...she said...gurls...keep thinkin dat ur hair will grow back n therefore we were some haw told ta look on the possitive side...dat sentence juz seem so familiar...coz last tym...wen my mum snip off my hair...i cried lyk hell...n anna-marie told me dat it will grow back...n believe dat it will becum better...lol...i believed her...den it was maths...was kinda borin...den after recess...we had art...haha...was lyk gibin out our art pieces...I PASSED!!!n an A1 too...haha...but i wasnt the best...if i not wrong...elena got 91...good eh...haha...den we went back for our english marks...i kinda...or should ase dat i almost fail...coz i onli got 58...haw bad was dat...den i saw my ca marks...it was 90...get it???c the difference???gosh...i hope it could pull up my pathetic marks...haha...hopefully...den it was chinese....teacher was lyk explainin some stuff...so i was really bored...den i took out a book to read...haha...was so fun...okay...anyway...very sick today...gastric work its way to find me again...n i was lyk so dizzy...dat i feel asleep from around 2.45-6.02...long eh...coz juz didnt feel rite la...so i slept...den jiu sleep until naw lor...okay...gtg...buai buai...-

2004-10-15T00:38:00.000-07:00

-olritey...i kinda tired naw...but i dunt feel lyk sleepin...hu eva dat person hu tagged my blog...get lost will ya...im juz not in the good mood to fight anyore...dunt think ur english very good can?u cant even spell english correctly...wat more to come teach me my english...get a life will ya...u geek...nerd...ass hole...son ob a bitch...i dunt even noe ur gender...u might b the son...or might juz b the bitch...if ya so cleber...y arnt u the professor of some place...even professors arnt as free as u r...dey speak sense...whereas u...i guess...u r juz too bad to b enroled into anywhere...coz dey aint wan ya advice...dunt eva make me track u down n kill ya...i hate ppl lyk u...cant get a grip ob ur own miserable life...out to make life bad for others...but it aint gonna dampen mine...coz i make sure i track u down...i kill ya...u ass hole...ka ni na...wait till i scold u usin dialets...bet ya dunno haw to read dem den...u ass hole...my english my life...non ob ya bloody business ya noe...my blog my tags...u done hab to touch dem too...u freak ob nature...cant get a grip ob ya life rite...gib u an advice...juz run into the wall...run ur head thru the concrete...n lay lifeless okay...??not onli a u doin me a favour...u r doin the whole world a great favour man...ya ass hole...if u dare to scold me...y dunt u dare to put ur name...u chicken...n if u dunno wat it means...let me tell u...if u r a guy...it means ur a coward...n a sisy...n a gay...if u r a gurl...it means u r a prostitude...i cant help it...u r either one ob those...so get ur own tupid life will ya...i dunt nid ur advice u nerd...geek...gay...sissy...COWARD...if u r so darin to scold me...den put ur name...use ur own advice will ya...ur english suck...cant even spell proper words...okay...kinda angry naw...coz ob some tupid ppl...wen will these ppl learn to get their own life???ppl lyk u should juz get a grip ob urself...wierld ppl...any way...i really nid dat song...can someone juz help me out...anyway...kinda hate my life naw...i juz feel bottled up...wen i really nid to tell ppl about my probs...those ppl r neber online...juz guess im not lucky...i shall juz keep it all to myself...i aint gonna tell anyone...juz keep it all to myself...coz i dunt think ppl will understand...i juz hate it...hate my life...currently...waitin for someone...someone hu will b able to let me out from my bottle...hopin...wishin...but in the end...no one cums...i find it tirin...given up my last bit ob hope...im sick n tired...really...very tired...dunt wanna find my other half anymore...coz its no use...no use to me anymore...coz im juz not happy wit the outcum...n i dunt wan aneone to suffer...was juz listenin to crazy in love...by beyonce knowles...u ppl out dere should listen to it...coz its kinda good...i love it...very up beat...den naw im playin if i cant have you...by wilber pan...very nice song...about dis guy hu would gib everything up if he doesnt get dat gurl...n dat he wunt wan anything as well if he doesnt get her too...issnt dat so sweet?...next is you hua zhi shou...by wilber pan...lurbb dat song alot...quite nice...but cant really translate it...well...i guess it means...voice everything ur thinkin...in ur heart,brain,body,mind n soul...ya...i guess its lyk dat...anyway...dats all for my miserable life...-

2004-10-14T21:18:00.000-07:00

-wOhOo~~~today had a really great day...first lesson was science...damm was i scared...coz...WE WERE GETTIN BACK OUR PAPER...if im not wrong...i hoped for a b3...but wen i got back my section b n c...damm was i shocked...i got less den wat i xpected...den i was thinkin...sayonara sophia...ure in for some deep trouble...den wen teacher sae out our section a...wOhOo~~~i was so damm glad...HAHA...i made it to b3!!!wOhOo~~~den it was chinese...two peroids...den someone hu was sittin next to me ah...keep on tokin about something ah...burstin my ear drums man...haha...no offence...haha...den was lit!!!we went com lab n play man...YAY~~~!!!okay...not really play la...but in the sense...we were suppose to do some tupid work but we finished so early...we juz had fun all the way!!!haha...wOhOo~~~den wen we went back...it was maths...i was so damm scared...wen it was my turn to collect the paper...i was lyk stickin to ms leong...hope dat she wunt reveal me marks to other ppl...haha...boy was i glad dat i got wat i hoped for...an a1!!!haha...i was lyk so damm happy...coz i failed my mid-year so u should noe la...so i must pass dis maths paper...so i was lyk so damm happy...YAY~~~haha...den it was tym for the worst...IT WAS ENGLISH!!!the paper i dread...coz i did very badly for my paper 1...i wrote a report into a formal letter...aint dat bad enuf???haha...so i was really scared...i passed the paper 1 by 8 marks...n i did quite well for the oral...so i should not hav much prob eh...wOo wee~~~haha...den it was history...BUT MR QUEK DIDNT CUM!!!not dat i dunt wan him to cum[im not tellin the truth...i waited for dis day for ages...haha...so i was lyk...wen it was announced dat mr quek didnt cum...i was screamin man...YAY...lets party!!!den suddenly...someone screamed..."MR LIM!!!"den everyone was runnin around..."AH~~~EVERYONE QUICK!!!TEACHER DRILL!!!"...haha...everyone ran back to their places...den we found out dat dere was no mr lim...so every boy...went to bash dat poor guy hu screamed mr lim up...haha...den wen we were really makin alot ob noise...mr lim came...den we quickly rush back...den we got punished by mr lim...we were ordered to go to the parade square n stand out in the hot sun...but not long after...2e4 came n join us...wOhOo~~~e4s united...all e4 get punished...haha...no la...den mr lim pity us...so let us go into the shade...den we saw e6 also servin punishment...we were lyk...wOo...e6 the best class oso get punished...haha...den mr lim came out n told us dat we could go bcoz we performed better den e6...we were lyk...wah...e6 worst den us in behavior???but hu cares...we were free...den tupidly we let our strict form teacher see us serve detention...so we had to serve another 20 mins after school...but hu cares...i dunt really care...den we went back to class no collect the cme paper...i passed wit flyin colours man...but everyone oso did quite well...so i was lyk...sigh...im not the cleber one anymore...haha...i neber had been one...haha...so after noein our marks...we were allowed to do our own stuff...den finally the bell rang n we rushed to serve our punishment...so we could go back early...haha...den we served wit so much fun...haha...mayb i was the onli one havin fun...coz i was so enthu about it...haha...the whole school saw us doin punishment...but hu cares...E4 IS UNITED!!!wOhOo~~~yippi!!!e4 ROX!!!YAY~~~okay...dats all le ba...-

2004-10-13T18:26:00.000-07:00

-okay...today was great...but not the actual way i wan to spend it...simply coz...i dreadly wan to sleep lyk hell...but too bad...i got to go buy something really imnportant...so no choice...its either a really good sleep...or get haunted by someone hu will go on n on foreva beside my ear...sayin..."$37 leh"...to prevent the hauntin goin on...lol...no offence hor...i juz brought my two tired feet n dead brain out ob the house n go buy something...i alomost feel asleep in the train man...den i knocked my hair against something which make my head hurt soooo much...no choice...had to stay awake...but i didnt xpect it to hurt soooo damm much...juz hate it...i guess i got myself a crack in the head liao...haha...anyway...i got to the shop...den got my fren something...n the sales gurl was lyk..."gei ni de nan pen you de huh..."simply translated...it means...for ur boyfriend izzit??...i was lyk...HAHA...no la...for a brother...lol...den the sales gurl was lyk...opps sowie hor...haha...okay...den raced back to ps to me my other frens...den we were lyk...travel the whole ob ps to play in the arcades...haha...den play finish liao jiu go home lor...very tired...but wen i got back...i continued my game "golden sun"...juz finish fightin at coloso...dunno haw to spell...den naw headin to lumpa if i not wrong...anyway...kinda tired liao...coz the whole day juz playin...but it aint really fun...wans badly to watch exorcist...but...witout someone to follow me...kinda scary...furthermore...i cant lie dat im 16...i juz look too young...haha...sowie eh...kinda bhb...haha...anyway...dats my miserable life for naw...ah!!!i wanna watch exorcist...if anyone out der is 16...please brin me go watch can??...i need someone to lyk lie for me...hehe...thank yew!!!haha...n ah...im very sowie dat i got u grounded...lol...okay...really sowie okay...didnt do it on purpose...hehe...buai...-

2004-10-11T12:39:00.000-07:00

-okay...woke up really early today to do up my web page...but juz couldnt...kinda sick naw...n i keep on wan to vomit...i dunno y...okay...dis is the last tym im tellin dis blardy twin ob mine dat we got nothing to do wit each other...we r juz normal frens...lol...okay...get it...n ah...im very sowie okay...should not ask u buy winnies for me...naw dat u r grounded by dat monster...im really sowie okay...anyway...tell ur mum she sux...she use to b a gurl...furthermore...wats rong wit gurls...we got no poison eh...tell her get her own life n dat she cant rule urs...lol...sowie eh...anyway...really tired naw...last nite fell asleep on the sofa...den so cold...i think dats y im sick...anyway...holis r cumin n im soooo happy...wanna go out everyday!!!but...lol...muz keep two days for mummi...or else she get jealous la...haha...mummi so funni...but i noe la...go out wit her go shop for her stuff onli lor...i dunt get anything...i lyk her part tym maid lyk dat...she buy anything juz pass it to me...den i carry...tirin leh...haha...anyway...dis tym go out will b different liao...coz its my daddi's cousin de parent's de weddin aniversary...so very grand...so muz wear nice nice...lol...so mummi brin me out go make over...i gonna get new clothes...new shoes...hopefully not those high heeled ones...n might need a hand bag...den tomolo...sigh...no one to go out wit...den on thurs...goin out wit my triplet grace...haha...we gonna hav the real make over...i gonna xtreme layer my hair...n get mulitiple ear holes...coz my old ones close liao...aint it cool or wat...anyway...dats all...got to go...n ah...i m very sowie dat u r grounded thru the whole ob the holis...-

-tOtal sweet make Over!-

2004-10-09T22:52:00.000-07:00

-okay...at 16.38.38...my big kor kor left for kl...i dunno wat it is for...mummi saes it was for a seminar...n a test...so dis is for my kor kor if u do read this...YI LUO SHUN FENG!!!dont go against the wind...haha...meanin...dont go against god's will n wish...n ah...GOODY LUCK for ur tests eh...haha...KAMPATEH!!!n ah...mei mei here will alwaes b behind u...JAIYOU!!!mei mei here is so sufferin...havta study for hcl tests!!!ah!!!*knock against the wall*LOLS...im lame arnt i???haha...anyway...KAMPATEH KOR KOR!!!do daddi...mummi n mei mei proud!!!haha...i will try to make the family proud too...lyk haw u did last tym...im tryin really hard...i juz cant make mummi proud...she is very upset wit me...she sae i play play play all the tym...but she juz dunt noe dat i hav been workin really hard...i really wan her to noe...dat im really workin as hard as i can...but i guess she would neber noe...but its okay...ill try my best n prove dat mummi ur wrong!!!i will JIAYOU de!!!KAMPATEH SOPHIA!!!*nods*i will kampateh n go to rjc de...coz its so damm near my house...lyk dat i dunt nid to travel so far...N DUNT NID TO WAKE UP SOOOO EARLY!!!lols...first piority hehe...second is dat...mummi dunt wan me to go JC...so i muz ping le wo de xiao ming n get into a JC...ya...third is dat...i muz really b good n study hard hard...hehe...forth is dat i forget about everything...my frens n everything...i wish i can do all these...to prove myself...biggest inspiration would b my brother den...he alwaes played hard n worked hard...i really motivated by him...thankx kor kor...i will prove to everyone...dat i sophia eng...can make it big!!!I CAN B THE BEST GRAPHIC DESIGNER IN THE WORLD!!!WOHOO!!!but daddi sae...graphic designers dunt make big...we cant even make up to $10 000...haw m i gonna live den...but i believe dat god will help me in wadeva i do...i will lurbb my god foreva...as my daddi n mummi sae...wen u r in trouble...turn to the lord...the ever unchangin one...the one dat truely luvs this lil lost sheep foreva...i feel dat i sined very badly...so badly...i failed to make god happy wit me...but i noe dat he will neber lose any chance he has in me...i lurbb u god...foreva...MUACKX...-

2004-10-08T22:14:00.000-07:00

-okay...im alone naw...no 1 to share my sorrows wit...mummi n daddi not at home...but anyway...i cant tell dem...i dunt wan dem oso...i dunt wan dem to get anxious again...obviously...dey think im fine...well...im not...i wan someone to tok to...but naw...not even my bro is at home...i kinda feel lost...i really nid to tok...but obviously no one...so nvm...go to sleep den...buai buai...nite nite...tc every1...-

2004-10-08T21:05:00.000-07:00

-hey ppl...okay...today...MATHS PAPER!!!chao shuang...WOHOO~~~haha...sowie ah...actually i was very scared la...coz did not do well for mid year...OLMOST fail leh...no kiddin...the 'very good in maths' baby gurl olmost fail...anyway...went to school dis mornin!!!first tym no nid to sing school song...haha...coz very long...last tym sing the song sing until olmost faint...but oso my fault...coz i did not sleep well...did not eat well...n did not stay at home wen i was sick...anyway...today go school piah...haha...do maths paper...den i alot dunno haw to do...so got really scared...den..TADA...maths paper 1 on my table liao...damm easy man...haha...i finished the paper n had the last 5 min for rest...haha...den teacher collect paper liao jiu gib another 5 min...den paper 2 on my table...den do...do...do...haha...finished either after 55 min or 1 hour...den wanted to sleep for 30min...at least mr eswaran didnt sae anything...he let me sleep...about 15 min...den ms tan took over...wah siao...i turn to not look at her...den she went to the side im facin n said,"sophia!wake up n check ur work.no one is suppose to rest.maths paper is a paper which u keep on checkin n dere will still b mistakes.!"so i was lyk...har...WTF la...opps...cannot sae...anyway...i was dreamin...dat i was runnin away from smtg...but i could not wake up...so ms tan was kind enuf to make me wakey wakey...haha...so i pretend to check...den finally ms tan said,"i dunt wan to sae dis.but i havta.stop ritin!"i cheered inside my heart...pump my fist out...WOHOO~~~so happy...den i went out wit szeting n jeryl to eat...den i go buy milk duds!!!WOHOO~~~so happy...haha...hab u ppl eaten milk duds before???if u haven u muz b really good kids dat neber touch chocos...i tell u...dunt b stingy n go get dem now...its 2 for $2...n dey taste very good...i lurbb dem alot...mummi lurbb dem too...n dis the first tym daddi dunt wan chocos...haha...coz the caramel sticks unto his teeth...haha...its really good...i recomend...lurbb dem foreva...haha...MUACKX...luv 7-11 hu sells dem...MUACKX dem too...n ah...today mummi sae smtg surprisin...gurl ah...i think u should go poly leh...den i was sooo shocked...den i said smtg wierd...but mum i wan to go jc...i dunt wan to waste 2 years...i wan to start work as a graphic designer soon...n daddi sae...i think u diffinately can b 1...i was lyk...OMG...wat happened...i thot dey alwaes put me at the lowest i eva felt...i finally noe dat dey do lurbb me n i lurbb dem alot too...xpecially kor kor...n i will do my best...to becum the world most reknown graphic designer!!!haha...i wunt let any ob u down...i will make it...!!!-

2004-10-07T19:28:00.000-07:00

-okay...today...i must use perfect english...to train my english...of course...okay...talk about today...really good feeling...but i simply dont know why...never mind about it...lets talk about my art test...it was so damm easy...i did according to my plan...the plan i told pak meng...szeting n samantha...the plan simply is that...i spend 30 min for drawing...30 min for colouring...n 1 h and 30 min sleeping...I DID IT...my first time doing art using just one hour!!!damm happy i was...cause i didnt sleep well last night...so i was really prepared to sleep on that stupidly hard table without my beloved pillows...so when i was in the midst of trying to sleep...ms ouyoung...i think...thats what my blardy twin calls her...she pull out my prep work and looked at my test work...den with a very loud voice she woke me up from my half asleep face and made me improve on my test piece...i was like...eh...okay ms boss me around...i do it just for you...i was really half asleep...so i opened up my colour pencil box...and fell asleep again...then at the corner of my eyes...i saw ms ouyoung walking towards me...then i quickly woke up and continue my work...as i said...i was half asleep...so the new work i did was uglier than the one before...haha...so funny...anyway...when i finished...i quickly went back to sleep...then finally...i heard the sentence..."stop drawing!!!put down your colour pencils!!!"i wanted to jump up and shout,"YIPPI!!!"but i know that it was not allowed...but i yelled inside my heart...then when the teacher walked down the row to collect the papers...i pumped my fist into the air...haha...so damm happy...haha...then after that...it was rest time...then it was home econs test...it was kinda boring too...i slept at first then started the paper...i pretended to do...then i slept...then pretend again...after doing...i really fell asleep...haha...then after that...ms tan woke us up and made us check the paper...good thing she woke me up...CAUSE I DIDNT FINISH IT AT ALL!!!haha...then i simply scribble and pass up...i think i going to retain le...i flunked soooooo many exams...haha...and yet im soooo happy...dont know why...but just really happy...haha...plain happy...YAY~~~!!!haha...okay...so thats all for my exams and eventful life...-

2004-10-06T23:05:00.000-07:00

-was watchin the cartoon lizzie...man was it so touchin...those frens were juz great...dey were juz dere wen miranda needed dem...i really think dat it would b perfect to hab such a fren...i luv dat show...okay...this tym...it was about miranda thinkin dat she was fat...n so she went for a diet...which in the end...made her really sick...lizzie said,"why couldnt u juz tok to me?"in this tym...miranda got really angry n she left...after some tym...wen dey were suppose to shoot an mtv...miranda showed up...n gordo said,"i didnt mean to sae wat i said eariler dat u were eatin too much..."den dey juz went on wit some lil speach...den gordo said,"dats wat we r here for."...n lizzie added,"dats wat frens r for."...man isnt dat touchin...i luv lizzie...SHE TOTALLY ROX...support hilary all the way!!!hope my dat kind of fren cums...n i think she has...today ophelia had lunch wit me...i told her i didnt lyk dis consilor...n she juz told me dat...in this world dere is alot of different type of ppl...try to accept dem...n kc...im sowie for wat i said in my tag...u were rite...i should not b so petty...but i hav my own troubles...i juz dunt feel happy wit her...okay...so i choose someone else...anewae...as i said...she doesnt nid me...she got shir,kazan n rebekah...so wat for does she wan to hav anething to do wit me???so i found a really good fren...hu is my bloody twin too...dats ophelia...n in church...a few really close sista...thank you ppl...for supportin me wen i was at my most horrible moment...thankx beth...luv ya...n grace n dorcas...luv u guys too...n the person dat spends most ob her tym wit me...ophelia...thank u ppl...n i thank the other ppl...for gibin me a wonderful tym durin school...thank u...-

2004-10-05T20:41:00.000-07:00

-orite...juz finish doin art n studyin lit...im totally fine...finally both ob us cum to our own senses...habin u as a fren was juz a pain...coz u were neber lyk a fren to me...wateva...n i dunt care...i onli noe dat i nid my brother naw...badly...but he is juz not free...dere is so much things i nid him to help me wit...i nid him badly for my studies...my totally crushed life...tupidly crushed...to think from good frens to the strangers we r naw...but its life...as i wrote in my profile...even the strongest love can b torn apart...n as i m...im very tired of my life already...i juz wanna grow up...as fast as possible...so i would b stronger...in everything...naw i feel so weak...i desperately nid my brother...but i noe he cant come...he is studyin...n i cant bother him...its tough in the uni...so i should not bother him...anewae...kinda tired already...really feel lyk sleepin...so gtg...buai buai...to everything...to the frenship.bond n love we each possesed for each other...its all gone lyk a broken vase...never to b mended again...-

-the last tym we will c each Other-

2004-10-04T14:58:00.000-07:00

___`why am i being scOlded by sOmeOne i dunnO??? ]]*

-wateva...i dunt gib a damm...i rite the truth...n if u think its rong den so b it...coz i dunt care...i dunt care if the whole ob u guys gang up against me...coz simply i noe dat will happen...i m damm glad dat u got rebekah to take ober my place...looks lyk u got a good fren already...to take ober my place...so wat if my posts r not the truth to u???u dunt even nid to care...coz i mean ntg to u anemore...i regret for wat i said bfore...dat i will alwaes rmb u ppl...u dunt nid my rememberence...so i wunt b so tupid to save dat place for u anemore...n yes...i m darn happy wit the frens i hav naw...its all my fault...okay...anewae...y should u care if it was still my fault...since rebekah taken ober me...go tell her everything den...dunt cum n bother me aenmore...coz i dunt even remeber hu u guys r already...i will onli remember my mummi hu was dere for me we i was down...for bein the 1st 1 for me...hu forgave me wen it was still my fault...n i feel bad...coz im alwaes makin her angry...hu cares abt u???i dunt...go ask ur rebekah to help u wen ur sick den...after i got home...i actually was dat tupid to wan to go ask if u were okay...wen i went to ur blog...i wanted to posts something...but lookin at ur state...u dunt nid me at all...furthermore...i m actually labelled as a pest...looks lyk if i did tag ur board...u might even delete the board...im the tupidest gurl in the world...go ask rebekah to comfort u wen u fail ur tests den...go on...coz i dunt care...u bein alive or dead is none ob my bloody business...go hab the world stand wit u den...coz i noe at least out dere...i hab some ppl whom i can call frens...whom i can call my family...so wat if i left u guys???u dunt even care...u ask me to b in ur shoes...think ob me den...eva asked urself y i left u guys for some other frens..neber hav u???anewae...if u did...u will still b the one dat is correct...i dunt expect anething from u ppl...i juz wished i neber known u...i should hab stayed dere...u r disappointed in me...u think im not wit u???go round tellin ppl im ur best fren...hab u eva wondered was i treated lyk 1??wait...y do i get so agitated???i dunt even noe hu u r...hu r u by the wae???do i even noe u???r u in my class???well...i dunno u...care to b frens???wait...i dunt wan a fren lyk u...so forget it...looks lyk i should hab lost u long ago...if we stayed so long wit each other...if it has caused both ob us so much trouble...y b frens???dunt think ur alwaes gibin in to me...ur sick wit me...im sick ob u too...i regreted cumin to zhonghua to me my so called fren...u...i regreted cumin to 1e4...go on n b angry wit me...coz im not dat happy wit u either...stop bein disappointed in me...angry wit me...wait...we dunt even noe each other...wat hab i done to agitate u soooo badly???looks lyk u hab got the wrong person...but its okay...coz if i were her...i wunt wan a fren lyk u...so...stop bein angry n disappointed wit me...coz i got ntg to do wit u anemore...i was tupid to hab patch up...if everything did not happen durin the holis...we might still go on...looks lyk we both made a mistake...the mistake to patch up...if u sae its a mistake...den fine...its my marks...i fail n its my prob...i became violent bcoz ob myself...i spoke vulgarities bcoz of myself again...but i wan to let u ppl noe...i m no more vulgar n violent...so i really wonder...was it really my fault...but obviously...to u...it is...den so b it...u dunt nid my care n concern...so if u r sick...or even worst...u died...izzit my business???i dunt nid u to remeber me as anething too...coz u got kazan...shir n rebekah...ur new best fren...hav her do things wit u den...coz i dunt care hu the hell u r anewae...i m tupid...very tupid...to wan to actually call u...ask haw u were goin on...ask whether u can make it for tomolos tests...ask whether u were well enuf...if not i can help u inform ms tan...but well...u go on wit ur life n i go on wit mine...my life my death is none ob ur concern...n ur life ur death is none ob my business...well... i dunt noe u...i dunt wan to anewae...from today onwards...i will onli remeber u as the person i met coincidentally...whom wen we 1st met...scolded me for ntg...-

-hu r u-

2004-10-02T17:17:00.000-07:00

___`juz nOt my day ]]*
-wat is gOin On wit me???i juz dat im nOt lyk myself anemore...i juz feel dat im lyin tO myself...tellin myself dat i can live On better witOut dem...furthermOre...wit dem...i gOt grades i neber gOt befOre...gOt grades dat was sO damm lOw...n wit dem...i started wit all thOse vulgarity...wit all thOse viOlence...i juz dunt get it...juz dunt get y i mixed wit dem in the 1st place...it made me feel so low class...runnin arOund lyk sOme type Ob crazy wOman...shOutin at the tOp Ob Our vOices...i dunt understand...mayb my reasOn might neber cum...sOmehOw...i dO miz dem...cOz we spend the 1st half Ob the year tOgether...but its all Over...furthermOre...im happi wit the new frens i hab nOw...dey r much nicer...mOre carin...nOes wat i nid mOst...i cant deny the fact dat i still miz the gOod Old days wit u guys...but its all Over...it cant b mended...n furthermOre...i dunt think dere is a bit Ob remeberence u guys hab fOr me...u even gOt sOmeOne tO patch up my place...tO put up n b me...well...i hab gOt nO rite tO sae anething nOw...cOz im nO lOnger part Ob u all...but i cant feel the rememberence u guys hab fOr me...where izzit???i juz dunt feel it...dats y we juz cant gO On...simply cOz dere is nO care fOr either Ob us...sO its end fOr the past[u guys] n hellO tO my new frens...i guess...juz as wat my kor asked...issnt dere ane gOod memOries...i might hab lied tO him...but in my heart...i guess dere is still enuf space fOr Our gOod Old memOries...but u will Onli stand the place as frens Onli n nOt mOre den dat...cOz i cant hab ane space fOr these on-n-off frens...if i gib dem an immpOrtant place in my heart...it will Onli b hurt again n again...the hOle in my heart is already dere...i dunt wan it tO grOw bigger n bigger...sO...u guys can Onli b in my mind...sO wen tym cums...the picture Ob u guys n me will slOwly dissappear...n i will always treasure the frens i hab nOw...n sO...my heart is under a seriOus surgery tO mend the hOles...i cant affOrd a secOnd chance...cOz i wunt get it...so if my present frens...whOm i treasure alOt nOw...still make mOre hOles...i dunnO wat else can i dO...juz manage tO get tym tO read a stOry bOok[chicken sOup fOr the teenage sOul...sOmehOw it mends my heart tOo...lyk dis pOem...

Losin the "us"
When an emOtiOnal injury takes place,
the bOdy begins a prOcess
as natural as the healin
Of a physical wOund.

Let the prOcess happen.
Trust that nature
will dO the healin.

Know that the pain will past,
and,when it passes,
yOu will be strOnger,
happier,mOre sensitive and aware.

Mel Cologrove
frOm How to Survive the Loss of a Love

im waitin fOr the nature tO heal me...i believe the pain is juz dere...temporaily...wen it passes...i will bcum strOnger...happier...mOre sensitive...n aware...i hab neber had such a prOb wit ane Ob my frens...dis is my first tym...sO it might take a lOnger tym...but i nOe dat i hab giben dem n myself a chance...sO i dunt regret at all..."You never lose by lovin.you always lose by holdin back."Barbara De Angelis...i had a chance giben tO me tO lOve dem...n i did...nOw dat dey hab gOne...i dunt regret anething...sO...im happi fOr all i giben tO dem...i enjOyed the rides i gav dem wen we were all late...the tyms we spend at mac...the tym we had durin classes n everywhere...i thank u all fOr dat...n nOw...its tym fOr u ppl tO gO...n let sOmeOne else take Over my place...i hOpe u guys treat her well...juz lyk the tyms we had tOgether...let her xperience wat i did...dats all i hOpe fOr u guys...n dis new fren Ob urs...i still thank u ppl...fOr lettin me b part Ob ur family wen we were still clOse...n im very thankful fOr dat...thank u...fOreva...-

-grOwin strOnger-

2004-09-30T22:46:00.000-07:00

___`wateva.i dunt gib a damm abOut the gOod tyms we had ]]*
-okay...long tym no post le hor...so now post lor...officially...i hab nothing more to do with dem...dey a merely my frens...get it...for all those that kept askin me...dis is your answer...not entertainin anemore...understand...anewae...i dunt gib a damm abt the tupid word around me anemore...i onli care abt makin it the perfect world i olwaes dream abt...so...wateva it is...i dunt gib a damm...-

-makin my perfect world-

2004-09-26T23:35:00.000-07:00

___`i ruined my whOle life ]]*
-orite...naw is quite late...2mrw still hav tests...but i dunt gib a damm...im fine wit everything...todae didnt go church coz i dunt wanna think too much dere...so i stayed at home to study since mornin 9.30am-somewhere around naw...so kinda tired...tried too keep all my tears to myself...but in the end...mum came in n i could not stop le...den she go tell kor kor...so in the end...we had another bro-sis tok...i hate him...i cant believe he made me sit dere to tok to him...i cant believe wat mummi told him...worst of all...I CANT BELIEVE WAT EVA HE SAID WAS SPOT ON...he is good man...truely a good kor kor...he gone back to nus liao...but he told me to call him if dere is anething...sigh...i truely dunt feel lyk goin school tomorrow...but i muz...tomorrow got tests eh...dunt go fail ah???anewae...thinkin back...kor said dat frens cum n go...its juz a matter ob tym...so...their tym is up...n dey had to leave...juz lyk anna...so its fine...i juz hav to treasure the ones i still hab naw...so i muz show dat im strong...cryin juz wunt help...drinkin oso wunt help...dey wunt help me find new frens...dey wunt help me find back all my old frens...so...cryin no use...drinkin got use la...help me in socialisin...ya...so will contniue la...but wunt gobble down a whole bottle la...so i guess dats all la...im thru le...its all sort out liao...im happy...finally happy...all thankx to my true frens n my dear family...-

-happy-

2004-09-26T01:14:00.000-07:00

___`my stupidly bOrin life ]]*
-okay...2dae had dis thing called the lantern fest...its was quite borin at 1st...coz it was some stupid concert or wat eva...den came the fun part...the lantern carryin around tym???anewae...it was great fun...played lyk i a lil kid again...i went round...carryin a lil lantern...tryin to burn ppls lantern...tryin to blow theirs off...wen other ppl tried their luck on mine as well...was so fun...manage to forget abt my stupidly dumb probs...but it juz didnt last long enuf...but...hu cares...no one as for usual...hate my stupid life...gonna transfer skl nxt year...n i make sure it happens...unless for stupid reasons the principal dunt wan me...n den...my bro...fetched me home...along the wae...he told me off dat y should i hav a hp wen i dunt use it properly...but followin dat...we had some tok...one which is so uncommon naw a daes...really so happy...den he had to leave for smtg...so naw...im alone again...i've got dis bottle of gin in my hand[bombay sapphire]...its really strong...puttin me off to sleep...but its got such a cute blue...dunt wanna put it down...everyones got their own probs...but mine is goin off hand...i cant handle it myself...i nid someone to b dere for me...n yet...no one is dere...ppl got to take care of their own probs...but i really nid help...but i noe dat no help will eva cum...coz the 1s i trust den n naw...will nvr b trusted again...so much for my childish thinkin...i miz u...anna-marie...-

-drunk-

2004-09-24T18:17:00.000-07:00

___`my hOrendOus life ]]*
-orite...i did sae last tym...dat on dat dae was my last tym usin the com...ya...me n [unknown] made a deal...not 2 use com so we could study...but both of us couldnt resist the temtation...so kept on usin until naw...ehhe...anewae...those were the good old daes...but dey will nvr b lyk dat anemore...coz i dunt think dey will...i dunt think i wan 2 anewae...its juz life...i made more frens...witout dem...thinkin dat these ppl will nvr leave me in the dark alone...anewae...4get abt dem...made lots of new frens...actually becks aint so bad eh...she is quite nice...got the gift of drawin n colourin...n ruey-lin...she quite nice...lyk her...n joey...she not dat fierce after all...she is nice...to me...not as bad as i thot in the beginin...muz b some misunderstandin...but i realise...she makes a good fren...betterden some ppl as i would sae...quite surprissed haw mani ppl i left out on...i onli cared abt my own live...my type of cliques...but nvr did find those real true frens...anewae...do i gib a damm abt dem??well i would sae no...hu would not gib up untrue frens...4 those hu r true 2 u 4 life...i hate my own selfishness...i hate myself...4 neglectin these good ppl...anewae...dis might b my last post...coz i m not in the mood 2 post anemore...mayb i will abandon it...i might abandon my hotmail acct too...so...mayb dis ur last tym n my last tym 2 eva step into my world of thots...so...dats all...-

-drOwn myself wit alcOhOl-

2004-09-22T22:34:00.000-07:00

___`fRiendsHip ]]*
-orite...naw a daes...juz feel really down...lookin at the books make me think ob u...im really sad...i can onli act happy...which juz makes me look lyk i went mad or crazy or forced out...i dunno...i juz feel something is juz not dere...smtg juz gone suddenly...n i nvr got 2 noe where it went...or y it had 2 go...y??im still askin myself...i wanna tell ppl abt it...but i juz cant put it into a sentence...i cant put it in a wae which ppl can understand me...but i onli noe that glor noes haw i feel coz she is experiencin the same thing too...glad i could tok 2 her 2dae...sigh...i dunno...1 year passed le...u died juz rite b4 my birthdae...i was so lonely...i was so helpless...i dunno wat do...i really dunno wat 2 do...i really tired of thinkin abt u...i wan 2 sleep...n juz wake up n find u dere by beside my bed...not dead...still wit me...livin wit me...i wan u back...i wan u livin wit me...im juz tired already...i miz u really...alot...-

-feel lyk drinkin-

2004-09-19T01:02:00.000-07:00

___`wat happened tOdae ]]*
-o rite...i juz finished studyin abt 1 hour ago...dunno y...but started 2 feel lyk studyin...muz b the inspiration u gav me...i really miz u...y izzit the 1 dat had 2 go was u???i wish i could hav taken ur place...i wish the 1 dat died was me n not u...i miz u...i wish u could relive again...reborn again...but i noe its impossible...i wish i had the courage 2 live on...live on witout u...onli u could tolerate my arrogance...my ignorence...naw dat dere is no 1 dat could stand me...i rather not live anemore...the guy u said hu was right 4 me...might juz nvr cum...the best fren u said will take over u...might nvr cum too...i miz u...i cant bear 2 accept the fact dat u r gone n nvr cumin back again...i tried 2 tell myself dat u juz went 4 a long vacation...n will cum back sometym later...but it has happened 4 such a long tym already...too long already...i cant wait anemore...i keep thinkin dat wat happened in the hospital wasnt real...it was juz a show...it was juz a nightmare...but everytym i visit u...it doesnt seem lyk a nightmare 2 me anemore...it doesnt seem lyk im dreamin anemore...i wish i could hav told u haw much i treasured u...but i wanted my face too much...i didnt wan 2 b the 1 dat said i was sowie 4 the fight we had...the fight we had juz b4 u died...i nvr had the chance 2 c u live b4 u were gone...i stood outside ur room...didnt wanna go in...but i longed 2 go in n c haw u were doin...haw u were gettin on...but wen ur mum came out...wit dat sad face...i knew smtg was not rite...i ran into ur room...ur were lyin dere...lyin dere lifelessly...face as white as eva...ur hands streched out...a drop of tear trickled down ur cheeks...i juz had the feelin dat u needed me...but i was not dere...i hate myself...hate myself 4 causin an unhappy death 4 u...dere was tears...but u oso had a smile on ur face...i dunno wat dat means...i wish i could wake u up...so dat u could tell me...i miz ya...i really do...i really treasure u...luv u...i miz u...i cant do anething 4 u anemore...but onli 2 fulfill ur last dream...dat is 2 do well in my studies...i hope 2 carry out ur dream...but i didnt...i couldnt...i didnt had dat motivation...but naw...i m gona fulfill it...i noe u cant cum down 2 do it 2gether wit me...but i noe dat u could look after me from heaven...look after me 4eva...n i will alwaes look up into the sky...n alwaes find u smilin at me...n i will smile back 2 u...i miz u...really badly...-

-saD-

2004-09-18T17:16:00.000-07:00

-eh...dis posts is 2 let every1 noe dat...from 2dae onwards...i will b studyin 4 my exams...so i wunt post or go online 4 the nxt 4 months ba...so...ntg much la...juz wan u all 2 noe dats all...-

2004-09-16T23:10:00.000-07:00

___`lOve ]]*
-i dunno wat im doin naw a daes...i feel im not as cloz as u anemore...im startin 2 lyk someone else...someone...i feel hu is so new 2 me..someone...i got 2 realise i left out recently...someone hu 2 me feels lyk i new him yesterday or wat...2 me...he is so new 2 me...nvr was cloz 2 him...was lyk a stranger 2 me...i think i should let u go ba...im tired of waitin le...i wan 2 leave le...buaiz darlin...will rmb u 4eva...as my 1st true crush...-

___`fRiendsHip ]]*
-so far we r gettin on real fine...tryin my best not 2 get angry too fast...n i think she is tryin her best too...so...so far...haven fought...so quite happy...thou we dunt spend all our tym 2gether...we still haven fought...dats such a miracle...i juz keep remindin myself of the song mirror mirror...i guess it really helps...sigh...i kinda tired...feel lyk sleepin...-

___`wat happened tOdae ]]*
-2dae...i got scolded by mummi...den i got beatened up by my daddi...all bcoz of my chi n hist...naw...dey dunt wan 2 sign ane of dem...sigh...so sad...so down...but dunno hu 2 turn to...every1 got their own probs...some r studyin...some r not free...some r studyin...while im tryin 2 find some1 2 tok 2 me...findin some1 whom i can tell my probs 2...but deres no 1...so i think i go sleep lor...sigh...nitez...-

-sad-

2004-09-13T21:45:00.000-07:00

___`lOve ]]* & ___`fRiendsHip ]]*
-Mirror mirror lie to me
Show me what I wanna see
Mirror mirror lie to me

Why don't I like the girl I see
The one who's standing right in front of me
Why don't I think before I speak
I should have listened to that voice inside me
I must be stupid, must be crazy, must be out of my mind
To say the kind of things I said last night

Mirror mirror hanging on the wall
You don't have to tell me who's the biggest fool of all
Mirror mirror I wish you could lie to me
And bring my baby back, bring my baby back to me

Mirror mirror lie to me
Show me what I wanna see
Mirror mirror lie to me
Show me what I wanna see

Why did I let you walk away
When all I had to do was say I'm sorry
I let my pride get in the way
And in the heat of the moment I was to blame
I must be stupid, must be crazy, must be out of my mind
Now in the cold light of the day I realize

Mirror mirror hanging on the wall
You don't have to tell me who's the biggest fool of all
Mirror mirror I wish you could lie to me
And bring my baby back, bring my baby back to me

If only wishes could be dreams
And all my dreams could come true
There would be two us standing here in front of you
If you could show me that someone that I used to be
Bring back my baby, my baby to me

Mirror mirror hanging on the wall
You don't have to tell me who's the biggest fool of all
Mirror mirror I wish you could lie to me
And bring my baby back, bring my baby back to me

Mirror mirror hanging on the wall
You don't have to tell me who's the biggest fool of all
Mirror mirror I wish you could lie to me
And bring my baby back, bring my baby back to me

Mirror mirror lie to me
Show me what I wanna see
Mirror mirror lie to me
Mirror mirror lie to me
Show me what I wanna see
Mirror mirror lie to me-

-dis the lyrics 4 mirror mirror by m2m...really nice da song...keeps me reminded not 2 lose my temper too easily...b4 i regret it 4eva...-

-Mirror Mirror-

2004-09-12T18:23:00.000-07:00

___`schOOl ]]*
-sigh...2mrw gg back skl le...its gona b so borin...i feel sick goin back skl...c all those teachers...c all the xtra hmwk...teachers r torturers...i hate dem...thou some r gd...lyk ms goh...sigh...y ya had 2 go???u gd enuf wat...y muz train some more???sigh...i miz ya...cum back soon...but by the tym ya cum back...u cant teach the e4s again...we will all miz ya...sigh...i still haven finish some of the hmwk yet...n somemore hav test...still haven finish studyin yet...sigh...gtg study later...i cant fail...i cant get kicked out from hcl...or else mummi n daddi will get very angry...sigh...hcl...so stressful...still nid 2 read all those cheng yus...so stressed...-

___`fRiendsHip ]]*
-sigh...dis thing is botherin me more n more...i looked thru our past conversations...we were so happy den...y cant i juz stop fightin wit u???i sometyms wonder...mayb coz i think too much...coz i think dat u dunt care abt me...think dat u r not my fren...as u said...dere is a wall between us...shutin us from each other...all bcoz of a fight...a fight had caused such a big gap...mayb a fight hav coz us 2 lose trust in each other...i should hav left 4 dat place...nvr cum back...mayb it would hav been beta 4 both of us...mayb we wunt hav 2 fight so much anemore...i dunno wat 2 do...i really regret...4 the fight we had...4 not stayin dere...4 not believin in u...4 not trustin dat u r a gd fren...not trustin u r my best fren anemore...4 thinkin dat u care 4 other ppl more den u care 4 me...i really wan u 2 xplain y u said it was a white lie...i m wonderin y izzit a white lie???i wonder y u sae dat it was a white lie...y???i wish i could keep myself calm...n not get angry so fast...but i cant do it...i wish u could juz cum n xplain 2 me y izzit a white lie 2 u???wat makes it a white lie???im still wonderin...i hope u can cum n tell me...-

___`Wat Happened tOdae ]]*
-well...ntg happen much 2dae...its juz dati wen 2 church...gosh did i find real happiness dere...i really felt very happi...i got 2 c all those ppl whom i did not c 4 2weeks...i really miz ya guys...i really enjoyed 2daes church...althou the song session was borin...but the youth sharin session was gr8...so enjoyin...i sat dere...feelin so happi...its lyk...suddenly...all my sadness...sorrow...pain...depression...n hurt juz all disappear...i juz felt so happi...its god dat help me out wen i was havin all these sufferins...i really thank u 4 dat...-

___`Finally happy 4 Once ]]*

2004-09-11T22:42:00.000-07:00

___`fRiendsHip ]]*
-as i said...me n kazan rather b told the truth...wat makes it a white lie 2 u???we were shocked n hurt wen we saw both of u walkin 2wards mac...n worst...we saw u all at mac...wat a gr8 white lie...issnt it??-

-saD-

2004-09-11T15:06:00.000-07:00

___`fRiendsHip ]]*
-well...i noe wat i did wasnt juz a jump into conclusion...since u understand haw it feels lyk 2 lose a fren...haw it feels lyk 2 juz treat her well...n she dunt even care...thinkin dat u r the 1 at fault...u change 2 suit her...but she dunt gif a damm...n as u said...y cant ur gd fren b true 2 u???let me tell u...me n kazan was angry wit u all...not bcoz me wanted 2 eat mac n u all went without us...its bcoz as u said...we r gd frens...y couldnt u all b true 2 us???in the beginin...both of us new smtg was not rite le...we wanted u both 2 tell us the truth...but u all didnt...if shirs sis bought her lunch...she would hav told us long ago...we thot u all eatin wit us...den u all juz left all of a sudden...me n kazan thot shir was sick or smtg lyk dat...so we went oppo quickly so we could book a space 4 u all...but u all juz left all of a sudden...wat do u think we felt...wat would u do if we left u all...all of a sudden...i noe u all wunt b happy...exactly haw we felt...furthermore...both ur xcuses made me n kazan think dat u all think we r some 3 year old kid or wat...shir doesnt take 53...she wunt walk dat wae...me n kazan already new smtg was not rite...but kazan told me...not 2 bother abt it anemore...but i couldnt...im not lyk kazan...not as benelovent as she is...not as 4gifin as she is...not ur type of fren m i...but kazan juz tok me thru it...n i stopped thinkin abt it...i juz think dat both of u might hav got smtg 2 do...dat u all cant let us in...but the bad thing is dat...i saw u all...EATIN...at mac...i didnt wan 2 call out 2 u all...i juz silently walked 2wards kazan...n told her wat i saw...she was shocked...but we didnt pursue anemore...we were angry...n upset...on haw u all lied 2 us...all we could do is 2 send thing in n ask 4 shir 2 cum do project...n she couldnt...n we didnt go on askin...all these was done...2 wat u all call a gd fren...kazan 4gav n 4got...but i cant...as i said...im not as gd as she is...but i noe 4 sure...dat i will nvr lie 2 a gd fren...i hav nvr lied 2 kazan...u...or shir...nvr did...yes...we might get angry if u told us the truth in the 1st place...at least we wunt b as angry as we r wen we c wat u r doin wit our own eyes...if u can understand haw it feels 2 lose a gd fren...think abt haw i would feel...n somemore...u lied 2 me...haw would it feel???dunt ask me...coz u urself hav experienced it too...-

___`dIssapOinted ]]*

2004-09-10T01:42:00.000-07:00

-sigh...i got so much prob 2 rite...but i dunno haw 2 phrase it...i shall do it lyk kazans wae...-

___`lOve ]]*
-its another dae...i still dunt get 2 c ya...i really miz ya thou...do u miz me??i hope u do...wonder haw u did 4 ur test??u tell me its easy...but u still muz b carefull...1 simple question n u might juz get it rong...it would b such a waste...i wish i could c u again...i really do...gosh i miz u so much...wish u understand me...understand haw i feel...i miz u...loads...i dunno wat else 2 rite...can onli sae...study hard...n live ur life 2 the fullest...-

___`liFe ]]*
-my life sux...i hate my life...wish i wasnt born...but i cant change the fact dat im already 13...i wish mum juz abort me...so i dunt hav 2 b born...life is so hard...so much homework 2 b done...holis still havta go back ta skl...still hav 2 pei mummi n daddi...no tym 4 myself...haven gone 2 da cinema 4 so long...haven shop 4 so long...onli got 2 take some pathetic neos...i wan 2 die le...so tired...somemore daddi wans 2 fight wit me 4 the com...hai wo havta use the lan 1...den havta stay up late 2 use the beta 1...hmph...daddi so bad...hmph...i angry liao...not very happy thou...but cant blame daddi...sometyms...he nids ta play too...hehe...-

___`fRiendsHip ]]*
-well...since u put it dat wae...u said dat frenship 2 u was precious...u said u treasure it alot...i wonder izzit true...not dat im questionin u...u sae we muz gif n take...i think u might b thinkin dat ur alwaes the 1 gifin ba...but i dunt blame u...i would oso think dat im the 1 olawaes gifin in...but u may oso think dat ur the 1 olawes gifin in...but i would lyk u 2 think carefully...b4 u make dat type of conclusion...wel...i noe im tired already...well...ill let u noe wat i rote...to me...frenship is a mysterious thing...dis world...dere r 2 diff kind of frens...true frens hu stay no matter wat happens...n frens hu stay wit u coz u got smtg dey wan...true frens makes u feel lyk a big family...make u feel dat u cant live without dem...the other group r ppl hu r dere wen daes r sunny...but cant b found wen daes r rainy...it is mysterious 2 me coz those 'liars' can stick 2 u 4 so long juz 2 get wat dey wan without u noein dat its all a show...i once read a story...it goes lyk dis...a guy hu was really rich was travellin wit his frens in a limo...but the limo broke down...n so he wanted 2 take another transport...but his frens refused 2 go wit him...he left...feelin upset...suddenly...he heard his fren callin out 2 him...askin him 2 wait 4 him...n 2gether...he board the bus...finally...he realised dat...the person he least treasured was the true fren he missed out on...its hard 2 find true frens...i hope dat u fall into the group of true frens...but i cant decide it...ur actions will prove urself 2 me...n i hope...its gd...-

___`Wat HapPenEd 2Dae ]]*
-well...ntg much happened 2dae...juz went 4 science n eat wit kazan den kazan n thing went 2 my house 2 do project...ya...dats all-

___`lOng winDed ]]*

2004-09-09T22:52:00.000-07:00

-sigh...im still missin u...i wish u do miz me...r u??i wish it was both parties in love wit each other...but can dat happen??i wish i new haw u felt abt me...but i cant b selfish...i cant force u 2 lyk me...further more...u dunt lyk me either...so...wats the point??i m behavin more n more lyk a love sick fool already...sigh...i wish god could help dis love sick fool concentrate on her studies more...u also havin an important exams le...muz jia you kayz...all i can do naw is 2 stand at 1 corner...n juz watch u leavin ur life so happily...dats all i wan 2 c...even if i dunt get 2 b wit u...i feel happy 4 u...but can i make it??its so easy 2 fall in love wit some1...but so hard 2 neber think abt u again...i really miz u...wat should i do...i miz u...alot...i neber c u 4 so long le...i dunt wish 2 c u...but i cant help but think of u everytym...i tell myself neber 2 c u again...but i keep on havin the urge 2 look at u juz 4 once...but i cant do it...it will ruin my plan...all of it...i can onli think abt the tyms wen we toked...i miz those daes wen u were less stressed...i miz u...i hope u miz me too...-

-Hop3l3ssly in Love-

2004-09-06T09:59:00.000-07:00

-the holis r here...but i dunt even seem lyk holis...students still hav 2 go back 2 skl...go back 4 some few pathetic hours...juz 2 let teacher scold...stupid...sigh...i juz dunt understand...wen will b the dae dat u stop treatin me so coldly...i haven seen u 4 so long already...n u dunt even ask if im okay...even ur brother asks me if im okay...if im alrite...u leh...where were u wen i nided u???nvm...coz i mean ntg 2 u rite...fine...den so b it...at least u could hav juz ask me if i was okay...but u didnt...so wats done is done...it is goin 2 b so hard 4 me 2 get over u...i nvr dare 2 tell u haw i felt abt u...coz simply...u dunt realise dat dere is such a person...rite???so naw...im tryin very hard juz 2 get over u...but i guess its gonna b so hard...so hard...wonder can i really do it anot...i think...n i hope...i can do it...i will do it...but everytym i c u...i juz cant control...cant control my mind...dats y i hidin...hidin awae from u...hope it will help...not seein u hurts me so deeply...but seein hurts me too...i dunno wat 2 do already...not seein u n seein u both will hurt me...so wat should i do???naw a daes...u oso dunt tok 2 me already...wat happened???we use 2 hav so much fun...i miz those daes we use 2 hav...r u avoidin me too???i dunno...but i can sense it...mayb coz u r buzy...but at least juz sae a hello...i feel so stressed naw a daes...i even hav 2 put up a happy face in front of u all...im tired...im tired of actin anemore...if i act some more...i might juz get a system breakdown...im tired of u already...nvm...since both of us r avoidin each other...i should juz stop thinkin abt u...its the end...-

-Sad-

2004-09-05T23:04:00.000-07:00

-okay...dis post is 2 clear all misunderstandins...sometyms...if i do scold u all...plz get it correct...it mayb my cousin...i share a hotmail account wif her...n she is kinda naughti...alwaes play tricks on my frens...she will onli b happi wen she gets me into trouble...so if she does scold u...ignore okay...she is lyk dat...everytym leave me wif a big mess...den i can juz dunno wat 2 do...coz u all will juz get angry wif me...n my nicks...2 ziyu...kazan...n ahma...its bcoz of my cousin...she alwaes changes it...n my posts...i did 4get abt wat u all did durin my bdae...but it was my cousin hu rote everything out...if she did offend u all...im sowie okay...i hope u ppl will understand...she uses the com most of the tym...so she is the 1 dat rites the enteries in dere...so if she really did offend u ppl...im sowie okay...i really hope u ppl will understand...but i understand if u all blame me...okay...dats all i wan 2 sae...abt the misunderstandins...2dae i was really ill...so i had 2 go c doc...sigh...very tired naw...n wen i got home...i went online...den saw dat my nick changed...guess my cousin changed it...i didnt noe it will make u so upset...so i didnt change it...coz i dunno wat 2 rite in it...den i got really upset on wat u rode on ur nick...i didnt even rite my own nick...but i understand...u didnt noe dat i didnt rite my nick...den i thot u really didnt wan dis frenship...so i replied back...but i thot u were really angry wif me...so i didnt reply thru msn...i juz rote in my nick...finally u did cum n ask me...finally...gosh was i so happy...happy dat i could tell u everything...den ahma came n tok 2 me again...den i didnt noe haw 2 cope wif the stress u were gifin me...so i fought wif ahma again...the person i thot i nvr would fight wif...coz u were alwaes gifin in 2 me...den after dat...i got so angry...den i go tok 2 ziyu again...gosh did she really make me so relieve...thankx ziyu...thankx 4 forcin everything out from me...makin me feel so much beta...i didnt noe...i didnt noe i made u all so angry...or should i sae...MY COUSIN...u r so gg 2 b dead...i m gonna crush u 2 pulp...U ASSHOLE...stupid thing...gg 2 change every password...so u can stop causin trouble...stop touchin my things...u hear dat...-

-Angry wif u-

2004-09-04T20:32:00.000-07:00

-yawnz...lolx...2dae is really fun...xcept the last part...went 2 skl 4 the open house 2dae...1st lit department...hehe...was gr8 fun...i luv it...haha...den zoe keep on introducin tings work...haha...so farni...den ting so poor thing...had 2 introduce her work so mani tyms 2 so mani ppl...but it was really funni...i look behind the bench n could not stop laughin...u should hav seen it...den wen we had 2 change shift...those 'keep everything 2 demselves n not let me noe anething' ppl came 4 their shifts...den i went 2 play all those english games lyk scrabble...wen i wanted 2 play...mr lim came...mr lim is our disciplinary master[4 those hu dunno]...den he wanted 2 play wif me...!!!Ah~~~got the shock of my life...he wans 2 play wif some1 hu dunno wat the hack scrabble is!!!glor sae he can play but i sae cannot...i grab onto glors skirt den i didnt let her go...haha...den chia how agree 2 play wif mr lim lor...heng ah...den i help 2 take down the scores lor...dey play 4 very long tym thou...even after my lunch break...wen me jeryl n sze ting came back...dey were still playin!!!gosh...dat was so funni...den i stayed 2 help more la...den i prepare 2 go 4 maths department 2 help...i reach dere...was quite happy dat those 'keep everything 2 demselves n not let me noe anething' ppl were not dere...dats wat i really thot...2 my horror...onli me n nette dere...althou we could handle it...but those ppl signed up too...y muz we do everything??luckily dey came...but rmb...im not happy at all...dey did their routine...talked abt secrets in front of me...but im immune 2 it already...i dunt gif a damm...i juz totally ignored it...gosh was i happy...i totally didnt care abt it...!!!den we served our duties...i wanted 2 try all the games...but dey were alwaes at some place or another...so i cannot go...but i picked up courage...n juz go n play...was so happy...my iq sure go up de le...hehe...[juz coz of a few games]hehe...den finally it was tym 2 go home...but we had 2 pack up the place...so we brought the things up 2 the staff longue...den put the things dere...den we sat down on the sofas...which we were not suppose 2...hehe...den ms leong so scared dat she get scolded by the teacher coz we were dere...den i bought a lil brown rabbit from ting...its really cute...den after dat...we went home...sigh...i think i got a lil fever already...sigh...alwaes sick durin the holis...but hu cares...i bet no 1 does...i bet those ppl will juz go out on their own n nvr let me noe...but...as i said im immune 2 it...i noe dey wunt ask me out...i wunt b surprised if dey dunt...i noe dem too well...gosh...i couldnt believe wat i juz did...i scolded piggy...smtg which i nvr think i would do...mayb coz of sickness...n depression...i hope piggy...u understand dat i didnt do it on purpose...guess i really was too depressed abt those ppl...too depressed dat u r alwaes sidin dem...im sowie piggy...hope u understand...im really sowie...guess i hav 2 sleep early 2dae...really sick already...but even if i die...will u ppl care??i think mayb the unthinkable will happen...mayb those ppl i hate most may b the 1s dat r dere 4 me...i guess dat might really happen...-

-Sad-

2004-09-04T10:09:00.000-07:00

-guess the tym has already arrived...i hav long 4gotten dat i hav a gd fren lyk u...a best fren lyk u...its all in the past...n so let it b...since u dunt really nid me anemore...n dat dere r other ppl more important den me out dere 4 u...i hav ntg else 2 wowie abt anemore...live ur life 2 the fullest wen im gone...coz by den we cannot hav anemore regrets...if dere is still a feelin inside u dat u nid me...tell me...coz i will still b dere 4 u...i cant help but think u r gone...awae from my life...n so hav my other 2 gd frens...2gether wif u...since u r closer 2 dem...dey can b dere 4 u cant dey??n dey should...coz i handled u over 2 dem 2 take care le...if u do rmb dat i exist...which i doubt...do think abt dis frenship we hav 2gether...i rather not hav the whole world den 2 lose u...so if...i really mean IF u do rmb me...den i will b happy...but as 4 naw...i dunt think u rmb me do u??i guess dis marks the end...end of our strong frenship we had last tym...guess u look happier wif dem...coz u dunt really rmb me already...i guess its gd 4 u too...coz u nvr bothered 2 patch up...u alwaes let nature take its corse...n naw it has taken its corse...dat im leavin dis skl 4eva...dis skl is history already...n the new beginin 4 u n ur new 2 frens...hope u r happy-

-Immun3-

2004-09-03T18:47:00.000-07:00

-Yawnz...lolx...hehe...2dae...yawnz...very tirin...i wanna sleep naw...but kinda fun in the afternoon...sigh...can feel dat u r closer 2 other ppl le...but im fine wif dat...i cant alwaes keep u by my side rite...its okay...i guess...i will b fine...wen tym cums...u hav other ppl dere 4 u...so i dunt hav 2 really wowie dat much anemore...but wen u play bball...muz b careful ah...if ur sick...dunt play le...n rmb...ur stomach is weaker den others...eat abt 2hours b4 u play...okay...muz rmb...ah~~~i feel so much beta naw...naw...lets tok abt my afternoon...haha...was so farni...rebekah was foldin her straws...so i oso take out my straw...i fold 1 star...den i started foldin hearts...den glor n ting wan 2 fold oso...den i teach dem la...WAH~~~i took 3 mins 2 learn...em...den dey...em...ard 10 mins??OPPS~~~hehe...i 4got i couldnt sae dat...hehe...u all were so slow...den rebekah n joey oso started foldin hearts...haha...den beck taught joey rongly...haha...so farni...den of corse joey angry la...hehe...den i had 2 teach 4 ppl...den dey keep on gettin rong...sigh...shi bai...so i teach until almost go crazy ya...sigh...but we had so much fun...haha...finally...GLOR DID IT!!!~~~i was so happy...so man zu...haha n i think beck n joey oso got it...but ting had 2 leave early...so i didnt teach her finish...ting...i teach u nxt tym kayz...haha...den we went back lor...sigh...but i had 2 go home alone...coz dey all left 4 shirlynn's house...so i wasnt suppose 2 go i guess...coz i wasnt invited...but nvm...go oso no use...will onli feel left out...but i was happy sittin wif glor dey all...u guys really brighten up my dae...luv u all 4eva...MUACKX~~~-

-Bright3ned da3-

2004-09-01T20:24:00.000-07:00

-sigh...i really dunno wat 2 do naw a daes...im juz tired of my life le...i dunno y daddy is bcumin more n more violent these daes...weneva he is not happy...he will juz cane me...i dunno y??...but i didnt tok back at him...i dunno y i didnt tok back at him...i dunno y i will juz let him cane me...y is he so depressed these daes...izzit dat im not gd??...izzit im naughti??...i wan 2 noe...the cloz bond between us is juz bcumin a bigger gap already...i dunt wan these 2 happen...i dunt wan some1 else hu is so cloz 2 me leave me again...i dunno y i said those things in the mornin...mayb i was too rash??...i dunno...but i feel a sense of regret inside of me...i shouldnt hav said all those things...mayb its really all my fault...mayb its really really all my fault...i dunno y...every1 in my family naw is so depressed...but all their anger is onli vented on me...i dunno y oso...i feel i nid some naw 2 tok 2 me...i really nid some1 dere 4 me naw...mayb it was really me hu caused all these things...mayb im really a jinx...mayb i should not hav been borned...i juz brin unhappiness 2 every1...i juz brin hurt 2 every1...mayb its tym i let u go...let u go hav ur own frens naw...i noe u r not happy wif me...i noe u feel stress wen u r wif me...but dunt worry...im leavin already...by den...u should b happy already...althou...i really wan a fren back lyk u...but i noe it can nvr happen anemore...its really tym i let u go...find ur own frens...find those whom u will b happy wif...i doubt u will nid me anemore...i doubt u really wan me as ur fren anemore...i guess...dis will b the end of us...all started bcoz of me...all bcoz of me...all bcoz i was selfish...all bcoz i onli wanted u 2 b beta 2 me...all bcoz i wanted u 2 b dere wen i nided u...i doubt i really hav been dere wen u nided me...i doubt everything i did was really rite...i regret...4 all those things i hav done...if u cant 4gif me...i understand...if u dunt wan 2 make up...i oso understand...i noe y u did those things...but i wunt force u anemore...mayb it really was fate dat we were nvr meant 2 b frens...i hope u can understand dat...at dis tym...i really nid u...but i noe dis is too much 2 b asked from u...so juz 4get wat u c here...hope u will b happy wen i gone...-

-All my fault-

2004-09-01T10:59:00.000-07:00

-juz done maths not long ago...but still hav science n english...sigh...dunt feel lyk doin it...but if i dunt do...i hav ntg 2 do naw...went round readin ppls blog...a lil stupid n sian...sigh...i still dunt understand...y muz it b dis wae...hu sae i was angry wif u??cant u even juz ask if i was...u dunt noe anething...yet u think u noe...u think i was angry...but do u noe i was not...u think u noe everything...dats wat makes me so disappointed in u...coz u could simply ask ane1 r dey angry wif u...but u will nvr ask me...u wanna noe y im angry...but ask urself...hav u eva asked me b4...u sae u wan 2 wait until i hav cool down...but wen i wan 2 tok 2 u...u were the 1 alwaes runnin awae from me...u sae u wan 2 noe my problems...i tried 2 tell u...but u were alwaes wif some1 else...everytym i wan 2 tok 2 u...do u think u gaf me a chance...2 tell u...i dunt wan everybody in the world 2 noe...i thot i could trust u...by juz lettin u noe...but u nvr gaf me the chance...u rather care 4 other ppl...so dats y i think havin u as a fren n not havin u as a fren is juz the same...so y b sad over u...y cry over u??i wasted enuf tym tryin 2 make our frenship work out...but u dunt seem 2 care do u??i new i wasted my tym long ago...u would rather hav other ppl wait 4 u den me...wen i ask u 2 wait 4 me...u juz walk awae...WATS THE MEANIN OF DAT??i told u i will wait 4 u...i said dat in front of ur face...dunt tell me u didnt hear it...coz it happened too mani tyms already...despite of me waitin...u juz walk awae...i waited 4 u lyk i m a STUPID IDIOT...do u even noe...naw ask urself...naw u should noe y im angry wif u...every1 wans me 2 make up wif u...dunt u think i done dat too mani tym??or should i change it...I DID DAT EVERYTYM WE FOUGHT!!!take initiative will u??if u dunt wan dis frenship...TELL ME...plz stop makin me look lyk a stupid idiot...i m tired...im sick of alwaes bein the 1 2 make up wif u...wats the point??u dunno wat u did wrong...n u nvr bother 2 ask...n u nvr bother 2 change...i noe sometyms im at fault...but ask urself...izzit alwaes my fault??hav u eva comforted me??HAV U??if u hav...tell me wen...it muz hav bein 2 minor until i couldnt rmb...i can onli rmb...kazan n shir comfortin me wen i nided u...but wen i nided u...ask urself...hav u been dere??NVR i can tell u dat...i was dere wen u were sick...but were u dere wen my dad caned me??hav u eva ask me wat happened??NVR!!!dis frenship cant go on already...coz im tired of pleasin u already...wen u were sad...coz problems happened at ur home...i asked u wat happened...i was dere 2 comfort u...but wen dere were problems in my house...did u even ask??did u even comfort me??NO RITE!!!im startin 2 think dat...it was fate we were not meant 2 b gd frens...or even b frens...i took our makes ups very seriously...but u nvr did...coz i can c it in u...u rather b dere 4 ppl u think r more important den me...den i can onli sae...so b it...i given up hope...im alwaes ready 2 make up wif u...but i make up too mani tyms le...its all up 2 u naw...if u wan dis frenship...its all up 2 u le...i wunt gif in anemore...i can wait...but not 4eva...so cherish the tym u hav left...i hope u can understand...y i was disappointed wif u...i was nvr angry wif u...i was juz merely disappointed...juz hopelessly DISAPPOINTED in u...so plz understand...i wan dis frenship badly...but i can onli wait 4 u...i hope i dunt wait 4eva...coz by den...i would hav lost hope already...plz cherish the tym u hav left...u muz noe dat its very short...so u really hav 2 cherish it...stop makin me look lyk a fool already...i will b waitin...-

-Waitin 4 u-

2004-08-31T22:59:00.000-07:00

-i wunt sae alot 2dae...juz wanna sae dat i wanna go 2 1e3...i wan 2 study dere...i think i diffinately will feel better...im so happy...but onli if mummi allow...jeryl...szeting...wait 4 me!!!hehe...i wish i can cum!!!~~~-

-Finally happy-

2004-08-29T22:14:00.000-07:00

-sigh...im juz so tired...y is every1 sidin her??i noe im unreasonable...but doesnt mean dat im alwaes rong...y dunt u all ppl juz stop naw...n listen...as far as i noe...she has nvr comforted me b4...im alwaes out dere 4 her...i waited 4 her wen she sprained her leg...i comforted her wen she was sad...she 4got my birthday present...n worst of all she 4got my birthday...i dunt mind all these things...but u gav me my present the nxt day...it wasnt out of love 4 all i noe...u gav smtg which u bought 4 urself 2 me...i gav u smtg i searched 4 a long tym...wrecked my head...n i noe i bought it out of love 4 a gd fren lyk u...but wat u did juz broke my heart...wats the reason 4 dat??if u dunt care abt me...den stop all these things...i cant help but tell u...if i leave...leave dis place...i will feel so much better...even if i dunt leave dis place...i rather transfer skl...do u even care??i bet u dunt...i bet all of u dunt gif a damm at all...all of u...i onli noe dat all of u juz care abt her...thinkin dat she is the onli 1 sufferin...wat abt me??i really wan 2 noe...wat abt me??weneva i tell u ppl my problems...u juz gif me a sickly kind of response...but u all listen 2 her so attentively...y??y is dis so??im really hurt thou...all my kors...didis...jies...n meis...all lyk dat...u all think she is the onli 1 sufferin??im facin more den she is...im truely upset...wats the point of havin frens lyk u ppl...i feel dat other classes r so much beta...i really hate u all...i should hav stayed in paris n nvr cum back...i thot i miz u all...i thot i should stay here in singapore...but i was rong...deeply rong...but i noe all of u dunt gif a damm anewae...since naw dere is some1 dat can take over me already...den i noe dat she does not nid me anemore...i wan 2 go back...as soon as possible...i dunt wan 2 stay here anemore...i feel dat other places r so much beta...i was rong abt singaporeans...i thot u all were very frenly...i guess u all r juz self centered...i rather stay somewhere else den here...im deeply hurt...but does ane1 care??i guess not...-

-D33ply hurt-

2004-08-27T22:50:00.000-07:00

-sigh...2dae was kinda horrible...some of us got angry wif the bois coz dey nvr join the dance...den lyk no class sprit lyk dat...sigh...juz very angry wif dem la...den 2dae...sigh...got back my stupid maths paper...i thot i would do very well coz i really studied hard 4 it...i dunt understand y...i nvr got so low b4...NVR...i dunno wats rong wif me...mayb im too stressed...mayb i think too much...but...i juz dunt understand y...mayb i didnt study enuf...i got really upsad...but i remember cousin jason sae b4...dunt cry bcoz of small matters...juz pick urself up n do well the nxt tym...it kept ringin in my head...i wanted 2 cry in class...coz i noe dat my parents wunt think dat wae...im so stressed...so very stressed...if i cant beat my brother...den stop makin me...i juz cant do it anemore...i really cant study...all these didnt hurt me...dat much...wat hurt me so badly is dat...wen im in my most down moment...my bestfren was out dere comfortin some 1 else...she sae i wasnt dere wen she needed me...so mayb dats y she wasnt dere 4 me...i really dunt understand...naw she is so much closer 2 some1 else already...y do u still nid me??u said i mattered alot 2 u...but izzit true??i dunt really think so...if u were my true fren...u would alwaes b out dere 4 me...i wanted 2 b dere 4 u...but u alwaes confided other ppl...so do u really nid me ornot...i dunt think so...im so hurt by u...im really hurt...u said u nided me...den where is the trust??where is the trust a best fren should hav in each other??i trusted u...i wanted 2 tell u all my problems...but u were nvr dere 4 me...ask urself...wat do u noe abt me??wen u were down i was dere 4 u...i asked u wat u were sad abt...wat u were angry abt...wat u were feelin den...i asked u everything...but did u eva ask me...anething at all...y izzit dat u r alwaes out dere 4 other ppl...n u were nvr dere 4 me...u were sad abt ur history test...i was dere...i comforted u...i was feelin so down 4 my maths...but u were not dere 4 me...u went 2 comfort some else...u might not noe i was sad...but i thot u could sense it...unless u wanted me 2 cry in front of u...if u wanted dat 2 noe dat i was sad...den u would realise dat not 1 dae hav i not cry...if u really wan it 2 happen...i hav ntg 2 sae...i told shir everything...but she make it sound lyk it was all my fault...im tired of feelin depressed bcoz of u le...dats y i patched up again...i thot...if u had some1 hu u think is beta den me...i let u go...i will still b ur fren...but since u dunt even trust me anemore...i wunt b ur best fren already...im alwaes out dere 4 u...but u were alwaes out dere 4 other ppl...nvr once 4 me...lyk u said...we were once very cloz...but its all over naw...u wanted it dis wae...den so b it...since u hav her already...do u really still nid me??she confides in u abt everything...u comfort her 4 everything...u trust her so much...she trust u alot too...weneva i wan 2 tell u my problems...she is alwaes dere wif u already...i onli wan u 2 noe...i thot i trusted u the most...but i was rong...very rong...i could not brin myself 2 tell both of u...i thot i wan 2 keep it 2 u onli...coz i noe i cant trust dem...but...u nvr new...did u??...i could not do anething...but juz 2 walk awae in dispare...i rather leave both of u alone...well...look...u hav another fren 2 take over my place already...den i can leave peacefully naw...i can transfer 2 a new skl already...i wish we were not such a cloz fren...but its all over...n im happy dat u found a new fren already...but b4 i leave...i wan 2 noe y...y was i alwaes dere 4 u...n u were nvr dere 4 me??y??i wan 2 noe...y??...i hope u could juz tell me...but dere is not much of a use already...i dunt think u nid me anemore...so u dunt really hav 2 ans me y...i juz hope...if u could...plz tell me y b4 i leave...hope dat both of u hav a gd frenship 2gether...-

-Sad-

2004-08-26T21:58:00.000-07:00

-2dae ntg 2 write...thou...im really disappointed wif the class...1e4...u suc...i hate u all...juz really disappointed...totally...-

-Disappoint3d-

2004-08-25T22:37:00.000-07:00

-y muz it b dis wae??...i really wan an ans...but i juz cant find an ans...y wunt god juz send some ans down...down 2 earth...down 2 me...but i dunt think it can b done...since its all planed...den i shall prepare 2 go 2 paris soon...i really hope 2 c u guys...n uncle xpecially...i really miz u...hope i can get into dat skl...pursue my dreams dere...but i feel something missin here...in my life...i juz dunno wat izzit...but i feel really empty...empty...juz plain empty...but i dunno y??...y??...i really wanna noe y...izzit dat hard...i juz wanna noe y...haw hard can it b??it sounds hard...does it??i dunt really think so...its juz a simple question...n i wan a simple answer...haw hard is dat...the bond we had is nvr dere anemore...after wat had happened...i feel its such a strain 2 b 2gether again...but i really think its juz not fair...frens go after 1 year...but we r lyk dis after juz 6 months??mayb its fate...so i will accept it...since u dunt wan me 2 stay...since stayin back in singapore 2 b wif u means ntg anemore...den i hav ntg 2 sae...the work n effort i put in 2 stay in singapore hav all gone 2 waste...i should not hav work so hard if u really didnt wan me 2 stay...dere is no point anemore...the ppl i once call brothers all think its my fault i guess...the ppl i once cal sisters r not dere 4 me anemore...dere is really no point in stayin here ane further...i hate my life...y cant i juz do wat i really wan...juz 2 plz my parents...i hav 2 go accordin 2 dem...u think i really wan dis type of lifestyle??...im tired...im really tired...tryin 2 plz every1...but i cant...its juz too hard...too hard 4 me 2 handle...i cant take it anemore...i wish i was dead...i wish i could juz sleep 4eva n nvr wake up again...i wish my last tym of seein the sunrise will b 2dae...i wish i nvr b able 2 wake up 4 2mrws sunrise...but its immpossible...totally immposible...-

-Nvr wanna c the sunrise again-

2004-08-24T22:56:00.000-07:00

-2dae a bit tired la...coz juz finished studyin 4 tests...den i still haven do hmwk yet...wat 2 do??i dunno...but already very tired...cant help it...so i think i not doin...no point doin it naw la...later 2mrws tests cannot concentrate ah...sigh...its still the same 2dae...we dunt really care abt each other naw...not lyk haw we use 2...we r on seperate waes naw...lyk haw i pictured it...lyk haw i new it was gonna b...its a pity...even if i sae all these...no 1 will care...it will all still b my fault...its all my fault...all my kors think dat wae...all my sisters think dat wae...so wateva i sae its no use anemore...havin these blog is not mouch of a use anemore...days pass...but i will still b lyk dat...days pass n its gettin nearer 2 me gg back 2 my uncles house...gg back dere 2 study...i feel dat it will b so much better dere...wif all those cousins dere whom i can really call dem brothers...who will alwaes b dere 4 me...hu will alwaes b dere 2 support me...hu will b dere 2 comfort me...hu noes my problems...hu can really help me...i miz u guys back dere...but i cumin soon...hope 2 cya again...i really miz u all...i feel dat u ppl r really dere 4 me...not lyk the ppl here...i feel dat im sufferin here...i dunno wat 2 do...can i juz go dere naw...i mean...naw...i really miz u all...i juz dunt feel lyk home here...i wanna go dere...although its a new environment...i rather stay dere...i juz guess i wunt miz anething here...i will onli miz all my primary skl frens...frens in secondary skl naw...r juz the past...all of u juz think dat its my fault...is wishin 2 spend my nxt few daes wif her is a sin...u all think so...den fine...mum already booked the nxt flight 4 me le...im leavin here 4 gd...nvr eva cumin back...i fulfilled my wish already...i hope all these daes will juz pass by quick...since i cant spend more tym wif u...den dere is no nid 2 wait anemore...im havin too much difficulty studyin here...i cant cope wif the stress anemore...sonner or later...i might juz get some type of nervous breakdown...so im leavin...4 GOOD...im so happy dis tym...no regrets...n nvr will hav...im sick n tired of dis skl le...really SICK...these pass few daes...i ended up wif some 1 i didnt really think i would make frens wif...thankx rebekah...i will miz u...i thank u 4 everything...4 makin feel dat dere is really some 1 dere 4 me...thank u...n i miz u alot dear...will u go wif me??u promiz me u would...lets go 2gether...since we both hav the same interest...lets go study 2gether...i bet uncle can help u financially...no wowies...i hope u really do cum...but if u dunt wan...den i cant stop u...its ur choice...i really miz u...-

-Sad-

2004-08-23T18:11:00.000-07:00

-sigh i 4got 2 read her blog on sat...den juz manage 2 read it...i didnt realise dat u thot if i hate u...u wunt gif a damm...u think i dunno anething...u sae dat if u werent my fren...u wunt get angry wif me...u sae if i dunt tell u anething...u wunt noe...naw let me tell u everything...everything dat all my frens noe n not my closest sister noe...everything dat means so much 2 me...dat might not mean anething 2 u...u think u r the onli 1 dat wunt b able 2 attend skl??i might hav 2 quit skl after dis year...u think ur the onli 1 dat hav 2 quit wat u lyk most...hav u eva had the feelin of bein forbidden 2 do wat u lyk??2 even juz look at it or participate in it??at least u can join ur favourite sport...but i cant...i was offered a place in the dance skl...but i rejected it...y??simply bcoz i had 2 pleaz my parents...do u even noe??do u even get dat feelin??no rite...den haw would u noe wat im feelin??u think ur the onli 1 dat gonna transfer skl??i m goin 2 transfer skl too...my parents sae if i dunt cum back home early...n dey find out dat its not bcoz of tuition or cca...i will get transfered out immediately...i m facin more den u r...u can stay in singapore...but i cant...if i dunt do well 4 my end of the year exams...i will b sent 2 paris immediately n nvr cum back...i will b seperated from my frens...do u even hav 2 go out of singapore...no rite??...my bro recently broke up wif his girlfren...n he is really depressed...i hav 2 brin him on his feet again...do u even noe whether ur bro hav a girlfren??dere is so much more...but do u even noe a part of dem??no rite...4 a simple reason...i dunt wan u 2 b stressed wif other ppls problems n still hav 2 deal wif mine...do u even noe...i bet u dunt...i juz wan 2 spent my last days wif u if i really do go...but u dunt even care...yes i hav changed...deffinately more stressed up...but it is u whom im so sad wif...im so disappointed dat u dunt even care naw a days...i m doin my best 4 all the exams...4 wat??juz simply 2 b able 2 stay in singapore n 2 spent more tym wif a sister lyk u...well naw u noe my problems...but mayb its of no use anemore...u dunt even care abt me anemore...do u think i still can believe u??do u think i still can trust u??n do u noe y i hated u in the 1st place??it was all done bcoz of u...i didnt wan u 2 get too upset wen i was gone...i didnt wan u 2 bid me gdbye...i didnt wan u 2 feel sad wen i was gone...i wanted u 2 adapt 2 the lifestyle wen u dunt hav me dere beside u...i wanted u 2 live on havin the feelin dat i was no more a part of u...so dat u could concentrate on ur studies n wunt b scolded by ur mum if u failed...but wat i got back was disappointment...gr8 disappointment...since u think its not ur fault...den fine...its all my fault...okay...ALL MY FAULT...my fault dat u got angry wif me...my fault dat i changed...my fault dat i was the 1 dat did not tell u all my problems...but do u think u can handle dem...looks lyk all my effort of workin hard so dat i can stay in singapore is gg 2 waste...WASTED ON U...since u dunt mind me hatin u...den let me tell u naw...I HATE U...I HATE HAVIN A SISTER LYK U...i hav ntg 2 do wif u anemore...-

-D33ply hurt-

2004-08-21T00:14:00.000-07:00

-juz got home not long ago...sigh...my daddy la...4get dat i in skl...4get dat he was suppose 2 fetch me home...den he go sleep le...keep on callin his handphone den no 1 pick up...keep on callin home n no 1 pick up...den i went 2 go sit at the HOD room outside...had 2 wait until dey switch off the lights...den my daddy still haven cum...den suddenly the curtain inside keep movin...den suddenly got a really cold wind...wah siao...really felt scared lor...den i started 2 cry...den no 1 dere 4 me...i really freaked out lor...but hu cares??hu was dere??my best fren was not dere...hu else will b dere 4 me??sigh...i keep tokin abt wat happened naw...den nvr sae wat happened in the morn...actually ntg happened la...i left home 2 go 2 kovan at 4.20pm...den i reached dere at abt 5.05pm...den meet joey,shawn,wallace n terence...den we waited 4 ziyu 2 cum...den she came at abt 5.10pm...i guess...so wen she cum...we start 2 go buy food le...den we all go buy food 2 eat...eat finish le...zy den cum...so we had 2 wait 4 him 2 eat den we can go...den joey found out dat she nvr bring her ticket 2 enter the performence...so we waited 4 her bro 2 cum n gif her the ticket...by den...terence dey all go le...so we juz go shoppin oursleves...den wen we walk...we met terence dey all lor...den we shop 2gether la...after dat we went 2 school 2gether oso...den i got all of dem 2 help me ban guzheng...but i could not find my senoirs...so i juz didnt go n help...hehe...sowie hor...den we went 4 the performence lor...den after the performence ziyu dey all wanted 2 go mac n eat 1st...but i noe daddy wunt let...so i call kor kor n ask la...but i scared get scolded...so i go outside n call...den i got scolded by my kor kor 4 ntg...in the end i thot u were waitin 4 me...haw i noe u left me dere alone lor...i thot no 1 go wif u dats y i begged my kor kor 2 let me go...after he scold so long den he let me go...i was juz standin outside lor...get scolded 4 so long...i almost cry lor...i got scolded so i accompany u 2 go mac n eat...den u nvr wait 4 me...n still scold me...den y i still wan 2 accompany u??waste my tym lor...n still let my kor kor scold me lyk im an idiot lyk dat...u dunt even care lor...i wunt gif a damm anemore...u wan u go find other ppl 2 accompany u den...since u dunt even care...since u get so angry wen u didnt even wait 4 me...2 accompany u i got scolded lyk a stupid idiot...n u didnt even wait 4 me den u go le...wat 4 i care so much...i nvr wan 2 go out wif u le...i olwaes get scolded de...naw my daddy sae its all my fault dat i olwaes cum back late...n u dunt even noe anething lor...since u detest me so much...y were we frens in the 1st place...im so disappointed...disappointed...n u dunt even care...u dunt even noe all my problems...u care so much 4 other ppl...den wat abt me??wat do u noe??wat do u noe dat happened 2 me??im juz plain disappointed...disappointed wif u...totally...-

-Disappoint3d-

2004-08-20T22:00:00.000-07:00

-2dae got really tired...coz last nite nvr sleep properly...so very tired...*yawns*...hehe...naw wan go sleep sleep le...so rite liao jui go sleep...dis mornin...go skl perfectly normal...ntg went rong...den durin science lesson...hav 2 present our project...but coz the 1st group did so badly dat miss tan got very angry n didnt wan 2 go on wif the second group...so all of us had 2 put it up...den miss tan continued wif the lesson doin the theory book...was really borin...den miss tay no cum...so no art...some ppl were happy...but i was sad...thou she use 2 b very bad...but naw she so nice le...i rather not wan miss leong 2 cum...i rather die by doin art...den 2 die by doin maths...maths is borin...sigh...den after skl...we went 2 j8 2 eat...after eatin we went 2 my house 2 pratice the teachers day dance...was quite fun...hehe...play n play n play...but mummi was not happy...den she got angry wif me...so i was really angry until i was fillin very full...so i refuse 2 eat wif my mummi...naw feelin so hungry...but i rather starve den 2 lose 2 my mummi...hehe...no la...in the end i lost...i had 2 appologise...but i didnt eat wif my mummi...coz really fillin full...hehe...sigh...naw so tired...wanna go sleep sleep le...

-Sl33py-

2004-08-19T22:43:00.000-07:00

-2dae kinda tired...coz last night slept at 12mn...bcoz of lookin 4 pics...desperately helpin the group...but juz as wat we xpected...ntg was produced...i print alot 4 my part...brought alot of things 4 the group...n wat dey brought was a miserable magazine...n we didnt even use it...haw pathetic was dat...i hate doin group work wen ppl dunt co-operate...den wat 4 do group work wen we can do it ourselves??wen other ppl work hard n the other does not...but still the credits go 2 DEM??izzit fair??its so dumb...i nvr wan 2 do group work again...i rather do it wif some nerdy yet hard workin ppl den 2 do it wif dem...i dunt gif a damm...i rather work wif ppl hu r not popular...hu r not attractive...not my sistas...so i can concentrate on my work beta...i desperately nid gd marks...2 b able 2 stay here...sigh...m i able 2 do it??dats my q...sigh...nvm...dunt tok abt it le...2dae went 2 mac 2 eat...but b4 dat...we had a practice for our dance...haha...ziyu n thing la...haha...keep on thinkin dirty...sae kazan's moves very pervertic...sae dunno wat 'rape me...dunt rape me'...haha...den kazan so very angry...in the end she gif up n we all pack up 2 go mac 2 eat...haha...sowie kazan mei mei...sowie ah...hehe...den wen we go mac...we met joey...hehe...den joey butt me...den i got so angry...mayb coz i thinkin of wat happened durin science...SOWIE JOEY!!!den we sat down 2 eat...den we make so much noise...haha...so happy 2 dae...but of wat happened in the morn...makes me angry again...angry and happy...all mixed up...dunno wat 2 feel naw...sigh...-

-Mix3d up-

2004-08-18T22:45:00.000-07:00

-sigh...2dae feelin really tired...2mrw got some weird science project...got 2 find so mani funni photographs...noein dat dey wunt do anething...i hav 2 go thru all the truble naw 2 look 4 pics...juz 2 save my pathetic group...naw i hav 2 stay up late 2 do all these things...wastin so much ink 2 print...wastin my tym lor...den dey nvr do anething...i wish i dunt hav 2 write down names if dey didnt bring anething...dey r so useless...den y still nid dem??watse tym juz 2 add all these useless ppl...hope dey fail their science man...stupid idoits...i hate u ppl...use up my tym...i wan 2 sleep leh...but hav 2 do these bcoz of u all...u ppl r useless...if u all r not doin anething...y cum 2 skl??2waste ur parents money??unfilial children...useless piece of shit...USELESS...juz plain USELESS...a piece of shit i tell u...if u dunt produce anething 2mrw...4get abt seein ur name on our work...coz we dunt wan 2 disgrace ourselves...listen carefully n see carefully...-

-Piss3d Off-